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How To Be Included in the Birth of Your Adopted or Surrogate Child

By Jana Angeles

When it comes to adopting or receiving a child from a surrogate mother, the excitement is a little different than your average pregnancy. It is a unique way of receiving a child – there’s no doubt about it. While most people won’t understand the joy of adoption or surrogacy, you might feel slightly disconnected from the child because they aren’t coming from you. This might create anxiety for some parents, especially if they have appointed a surrogate mother. 

Some feelings of jealousy may happen and you may feel like the second option during the process. It’s hard to ignore any negative emotions once you start to feel them, but there are ways to create happiness for yourself if you choose to. Getting excited for the arrival of your child is normal, but we understand how nervous you may feel if it is your first time doing this. We have come up with some of the best ways to get yourself prepped for the arrival of your child: 

Attend all the doctor’s appointments 

Involvement is the important part of the process for any parent, so attending all the doctor’s appointments scheduled is imperative if you want to feel like you’re part of the journey. Instead of doing several follow-up calls after work on how the health of your baby is, get involved and be there yourself. Attend all ultrasounds and general check ups and see if your baby is nice and healthy. This way, you won’t feel disconnected from the adoption or surrogacy of your child. Their health is a number one priority, but being present in all doctor’s appointments shows how dedicated you are as a soon-to-be parent. 

Decorate the nursery 

Get to know your creative side and start decorating the room for the arrival of your baby. If you don’t know the gender of your child, choose gender-neutral colours and put together furniture/items in the room you feel will create a welcoming and cosy presence for them. Decorating the room will keep you busy, but it will also show how much you care about your child’s happiness. That is an important step to parenthood; putting the child’s priorities above your own.   

Throw a baby shower / welcome party 

Baby showers are a great way to get your friends and family involved. There’s nothing more enjoyable than to get your nearest and dearest people helping you prepare for the biggest moment of your life, which is anticipating the arrival/birth of your child. Though you’re not necessarily “pregnant”, it still marks an important moment in your life where you want to celebrate it. Preparing delicious food, playing fun baby shower games and catching up with everyone will definitely keep the excitement intact, helping you forget the feelings of anxiety you had before.  

Talk to your baby 

It may feel awkward at first, but communicating with your baby before they are out of the womb can be beneficial for you. Though you won’t feel an instant connection, it will help you feel closer to them. Just remember that talking to your surrogate’s belly bump may put you in a place of discomfort, especially if the relationship you have with them is still too new. Just keep in mind that the bond you will have with your child will only strengthen if you nurture and love them over time.  

Parenting is a chaotic journey for everyone, but it also allows us to experience some of the most rewarding moments we can share with our family. Though adoption and surrogacy are unique pathways of receiving a child, it doesn’t change your dedication as a parent. You are making this decision because you are willing to give this child all their needs and wants to the best of your ability.  

If you’re already willing to have a child in the first place, then you will never regret the choice of having one from adoption or surrogacy. Enjoy the experience while it lasts, and embrace the fact that it may be outside the norm for other people. 

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