AGE APPROPRIATE WAYS TO EDUCATE CHILDREN ON PERSONAL SPACE AND RESPECT

Written by Lucy Hall

In our fast-changing world, teaching children about consent and personal boundaries is not a need, it’s a must. As children grow older, they have to learn the importance of personal space, mutual respect and being able to share comfort levels regarding physical interaction. These topics need to be taught in age appropriate ways so that the lessons are interesting, relatable, and educational. This ranges from toddlers to adolescence in ways that hugely impact a child’s perception of his/her own body and other people’s bodies.

Laying the Groundwork: Begin Early with Basics

Teaching your child about boundaries and consent starts much earlier than  most realise. Even toddlers can begin to learn very basic ideas about personal space. Simple practices can build a great foundation. For example, teach your child what “yes” and “no” really mean about play. When your child wants to hug their friend or share a toy during playtime, encourage them to ask first. They can see that this respectful approach confirms that asking for consent is expected in all of their interactions.

Playtime can be a great teaching time. To help children become comfortable with the concept of permission, when they are playing you can make sure that they ask before giving a hug or holding a hand.  Encouraging children to use their words about what they need, whether it’s saying “stop” when they’re feeling uncomfortable or acknowledging that they’re okay with touch, will be empowering them to have control over their own bodies.

Preschool and Early Primary School: Building on the Language of Consent

A child’s ability to comprehend boundaries increases as they grow closer to preschool and the early primary school years. The early years of primary school and preschool are an ideal time for establishing well developed concepts of consent and consideration for other people’s personal space. Talking about establishing boundaries and showing consideration for other people’s personal space can become increasingly complex.  Try to start by incorporating storytelling and having interactive conversations about boundaries, this can be done by reading aloud some of the fantastic children’s books that are out there. Stories may include requests to use a child’s toy or to ask before giving another person a high five.

Encourage them to express their emotions about physical comfort. “I don’t feel comfortable with that” or “Can I give you a hug?” should be added to their vocabulary. Of course, showing respect for boundaries or modelling respectful behaviour is important. You can show your child how to ask for permission, the importance of accepting whatever kind of answers given or why discussing such rules are relevant.

Primary School: Fostering Empathy and Understanding

A child’s emotional and cognitive intelligence grows as they get older and enter the late primary school years. The conversations you have had previously will pave the way for more complex discussions about consent and boundaries. You will then be able to explain that consent is more complicated than just a “yes” or “no” because it can be affected by emotional states and context.

Empathy must be encouraged. You can then create conversations about situations where children can stand back and evaluate feelings, not just their own and but others as well. Questions like “How do you think you would feel if someone touched you and you didn’t want to be touched?” or “What do you think your friend might feel if you took their toy without asking?” can really get them thinking and help them become sensitive to others feelings and space.

This can also be reinforced through games or activities that work on teamwork while respecting personal space. Activities that represent trust exercises can be taken and applied to help firmly establish the principles of consent in a non threatening environment, for example, one child having to respect another’s comfort level.

High School and Beyond: Navigating Complex Social Dynamics

When a child enters high school they will start to engage in more complex social dynamics.  Having a crush, dealing with peer pressure will change boundaries and consent. Making sure you continue to talk to your child is important to keeping lines of communication open. Try to find a balanced approach in which you can educate your child without coming across as lecturing them. Use current events, popular media and everyday experiences to start discussions. This makes the discussion more relevant and relatable and allows children to ask questions and share their thoughts without the fear of being judged.

Peer pressure will play a big role throughout your child’s High School years. It’s a complex and confusing time for children, so checking in regularly is a good idea. For some of the conversations you have with your child, it can be beneficial to include some educational materials that show how to identify and respond to peer pressure. Make sure you talk about how NO means NO and how to respond firmly to unwanted advances and pressures. Try role playing different situations where they can practice saying no in a safe environment and teach them the techniques they’ll need to set their boundaries. This will give them the confidence they need as they navigate the complex social situations that lie ahead.

Building a Culture of Respect

Consent and boundaries education is part of parenting and education that helps to build a culture of respect and safety. If we explain things to children right from the beginning of their development, at an age appropriate level, then we will help them to be empowered with knowledge and skills so they can confidently and respectfully navigate through their relationships.

This allows them to absorb the lesson of consent through open and honest discussions about their bodies and feelings. As they mature into empathetic and conscious individuals, they will carry this tradition of respect into a brighter future and teach future generations to understand their own and others boundaries. Having these important discussions helps set a course for a world that respects and values personal space and autonomy.