Am I To Blame For My Toddler’s Behaviour?
Written by Jana Angeles
It’s natural instinct for us to assume that we are responsible for our children’s behaviour. Besides, we are around them 24/7, 7 days a week so the only factor that can contribute to their behaviour is us, right? It depends on the circumstances and how we are as people. Obviously, all parents have different parenting styles and how we manage to balance our lives with our kids can seem impossible. It’s not so much about raising the perfect child – it’s about being able to teach them how to own up to their mistakes and become responsible adults of the future. We don’t realise how much power we actually have over our children. But what happens if you feel like you’ve lost control? Are you really to blame for their behaviour?
You get caught up in distraction
There’s no such thing as balance in life but we want to achieve it. We all desire to keep balance in check when it comes to our family, but sometimes, life can get distracting and we get too caught up in our own responsibilities. When was the last time you properly spent time with your child? Have you made effort recently?
If you’re struggling to remember the last time you had a proper catch up with your child, it’s time to clear out your schedule and make some happy memories. If your toddler has been super restless or misbehaving lately, maybe it’s their way of getting your attention from you doing important adult things.
You aren’t a good role model
Having vices as an adult can do more damage to people who care about us. Gambling, drinking and smoking are things that we do at times when we’re feeling stressed about life and want a little escape from reality. Not only that, if you frequently travel for work and go on long periods without being present in your child’s life, you may have let them gotten away with a lot of things.
Being a good role model doesn’t mean having to be there every step of the way. It’s about sacrificing your vices and finding time outside of work to spend time with these tiny humans. They are not going to be young forever; like you, they will grow quickly and be out of the nest in no time. Remember to be the best version of yourself and soon, you will start to see your children model this.
You’re not attending to your child’s needs
Toddlers don’t have homework to do but they do spend a lot of time in childcare/prep school doing fun activities and preparation for the schooling years. If your toddler has been misbehaving for a while and you aren’t sure why, ask yourself when was the last time you played with them? We get consumed by our smartphones and our daily lives, replying to emails and not learning when to switch off.
When your child is asking you to be a part of something, do it. It’s important to stay relevant in your child’s life – this will create an unbreakable bond that will last forever. As parents, you don’t want to be forgotten and left in the shadows when it comes to your child’s life. Be there when they need you and never stop learning about them. Take interest in their activities and be a part of it.
You have high expectations
Placing expectations on your children is unhealthy. Maybe it’s the parenting style you were used to growing up, helping you keep motivated when it came to achieving milestones and outstanding grades. It’s important that you don’t have high expectations and encourage your child to try their best.
Nurture and recognise their own talents; if you find that you were more academic but your child has found a creative side, take cues in their behaviour and see what activities they could do to help grow. High expectations can lead to your toddler being frustrated, leading to unhealthy perfectionistic attitudes and low self-esteem if not met. Embrace your child’s personality and you will find them much happier and healthier when it comes to their wellbeing and confidence.
Your toddler’s behaviour all contribute to a number of factors so blaming yourself entirely isn’t justified. Remember, you’re still learning day by day about parenting, so if you recognise you’ve been off your A-game lately, own up to it and change it!