CONVERSATIONAL TOPICS TO BUILD YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Written by: Caroline Meyer

Lack of communication can be the death of an otherwise great relationship. When one or both partners are no longer able to voice their thoughts and concerns or when all conversations end up in an argument, the relationship is usually headed towards a downward spiral. It is extremely important to a relationship that you take the time to sit down and have one on one conversations with your partner. This might feel a bit awkward at the start if you are forcing communication, but it will get easier. Being able to talk to your partner is essential for establishing and maintaining a long term relationship. 

You have to be prepared to share things with your partner that you wouldn’t with anyone else. You should feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of each other. You should be able to share the more intimate emotions and those feelings that may be difficult to express. True intimacy comes from sharing your hearts and minds and not just your bodies. While no two relationships are the same, partners that hide parts of themselves from each other will never be as close as those who share everything. Continuous distancing will often lead to distrust and insecurity and ultimately a breakup. 

So how can you keep the conversation flowing? Let’s look at some of the topics you can discuss to bring out the thoughts and emotions that help you bond closer together in a relationship. 

LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX 

Physical intimacy is a huge part of most relationships, but how many people discuss their needs and wants with their partners? Don’t be afraid to raise the topic and talk to your partner about needs you may have or if you are experiencing increases or decreases in libido. Talk about your fantasies, even if they are not discussed as a need for wish fulfilment, just to hear what is going on in your partner’s head. Discuss what works and what doesn’t. Often people use the lack of sexual fulfilment in a relationship as a reason for cheating on their partners. If you can discuss your needs and work towards a solution that makes both of you happy, there should be no need for your partner to stray. 

ESTABLISH THE BOUNDARIES 

Everyone has their comfort zones, their little niggles and pet peeves. It is important that your significant other knows which buttons they shouldn’t push. Some things may annoy while others can leave you feeling disrespected or even unsafe. Find out what would be a deal breaker to your partner. Tell them the things that may make you end the relationship if the boundary is crossed. Knowing where the boundaries lie will make a partner a lot less likely to cross them.  Don’t wait until the boundary is crossed before making it known that it is a boundary. 

NEEDS AND FEARS 

This is a conversation that needs to be had early on in a relationship. You may feel like two halves of a whole but you are both individuals and your needs and wants from the relationship may differ. Discuss what you need from each other such as support, loyalty, honesty, protection, enjoyment, company and more. Discuss your needs as an individual for time away from your partner to pursue you own interests or simply some personal time to do things you enjoy that your partner may not. Privacy and space is just as important as spending time together, so negotiate this upfront.  While you are discussing what you need from the relationship, you also need to plan for how to handle situations that arise that may crack your foundations a bit. Talk about concerns such as health issues, job losses, travelling for work or any other crises that may have you worried. Discussing how you will handle problems together will go a long way to relieving anxiety that can drive a wedge between you. 

GET OUT THE BOXING GLOVES 

It is almost impossible to have a great relationship without bumping heads a few times along the way. It’s how you handle these situations that makes the difference.  Don’t sweep it under the rug and hope it goes away, because it is only likely to escalate and become worse in the long run. Learn to fight fair. Avoid hurling insults or bringing up the past in a particular discussion. Discuss any hurtful behaviour that happens when you argue and both partners should try and change these behaviours. Try and discuss things rationally and productively and reach a compromise as far as possible.  Causing personal pain can be remembered long after the actual argument has been forgotten. 

TALK ABOUT THE MONEY 

Money is another big issue in relationships. It is important to discuss money issues right from the get go. You need to discuss what you are bringing to the table, any expenses that will become a problem for your partner as well in a long term relationship. Talk about combined and separate finances and how you plan to handle all the shared expenses. Set limits on spending on certain things if needed and talk about what level of expenditure needs input from both partners and what doesn’t.  Talk about saving for goals and how to curb impulsive spending. The less mystery there is when it comes to finances, the less likely there are to be arguments over it. 

FAMILY AND KIDS  

While these topics may not be necessary at the beginning of a relationship, once it starts looking serious, you will want to discuss the issue of having kids. Whether you and your partner want children can be a make or break discussion. If either of you want children and the other doesn’t, this is a massive incompatibility that isn’t likely to sort itself out. If you both decide that you want children, you will also need to discuss how you plan to parent them. This allows you to talk about your opinions and make sure you are at least in the same book even if you aren’t on the exact same page. Once the kids arrive, you need to keep up these conversations as your original opinions are likely to change a lot. You will also need to discuss interactions with each other’s family, especially if you are likely to end up with a blended family. Talk about boundaries and levels of interaction and even what will happen if the families don’t like the opposite partner. This allows you to be united in front of the families and strengthen your relationship and resolve. 

HOUSEWORK AND TIME TOGETHER 

One or both of you may have a full time career, but it is still essential to make time for each other and for the family. If either of you feel that work is taking up too much time and that the relationship is being harmed by it, it is important to discuss these issues with your partner. You may be able to compromise so that neither partner feels neglected.  Another major issue that needs to be discussed is housework. Even if one partner is home more than the other, this does not mean all the housework should fall on the shoulders of one person. In an ideal world, both partners will contribute equally, but this isn’t always possible. Discuss who will do what and what things you should do for yourself and not rely on someone else to do it for you. Sharing out the housework and pulling your own weight in the home will also help strengthen a relationship and ensure it lasts. 

Even if you have to set aside time in the week to sit down and have a chat, you should do so. Some people find the after dinner hours is a good time to chat about their day and also look in to some of the more intense discussions that are so important in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to be open and vulnerable with your partner and don’t set any subject off limits. Talk often and openly and your relationship should go from strength to strength.