EMPOWER YOUR KIDS TO MAKE DECISIONS
Written by Caroline Meyer
We make decisions every day. Most of the time we don’t even think before doing it. This comes from a lifelong habit of having to make decisions. This is a skill that has to be learned. The decisions we make in life can have a major impact on our development as people. Decisions are often make autonomously, but sometimes they are made jointly with other or after discussion with other people and taking their input into account. Most decisions are small and relatively easy, but some decisions can be quite difficult. Some decisions can have a small impact and others a serious impact on our lives. Some have far reaching consequences, while others may have little to no impact.
Our decisions are often based around what we know and include our personal value judgements while sometimes we make decisions with very little knowledge of potential pitfalls. This is all a part of life. For our children, we often take the decisions out of their hands. We decide what they should wear, what they eat, where they go and a myriad of other decisions based on what we believe is the best for them. By making decisions, people get to decide to be adventurous or to walk away from decisions that take them out of their comfort zones. We can decide to be creative or conventional, innovative or traditional. You can decide to take a chance or not. Decisions can be big or small and can have very little or potentially major consequences. At the end of the day, there is no getting away from making decisions. Deciding to get out of bed in the morning is a decision! We need to teach our children how to make decisions.
TEACHING GOOD DECISION MAKING
Good decision making is generally based around knowledge. Having the facts can help have a foundation for the decision. Start with a small decision such as deciding what to wear. Explain what the weather is like and what activities they may do during the day and allow them to decide what clothes are appropriate. It is fine if they get it wrong, you can then guide them into make a better decision. When they are older, you can help them learn to find sources or information when it comes to finding facts to create that initial foundation. Teach them to read, observe and listen and to ask questions if they are unsure. This will help them make considered decisions. Once they have enough information, they need to reflect on what they have learned before making the decision. They can also reflect after making the decision so they can learn from what they chose to do, good or bad. Most decisions are not final, so they need to know that they can change their minds. This may not always be possible, and there may be windows of opportunity to do so, but they will also learn what can and what can’t be changed after making a decision.
LEARNING TO NOT TAKE ACTION
Sometimes deciding not to do something is also a valid decision. Choosing not to get involved, choosing not to give in to peer pressure, choosing to walk away instead of responding are all valid choices that can be made. Everything is not always black and white. In some instances, they can choose to do nothing and watch how things unfold. Pick your battles.
TEACHING PRIORITIES
Teaching a child to decide on what is urgent or most important as opposed to what can wait or be attended to later is a big part of teaching them to make decisions for themselves. Learning to put homework ahead of playtime or doing chores before watching TV needs to be learned. Otherwise nothing important would ever get done. Teach them that decisions that have greater consequences should most often be tackled first before the less serious ones. Help them to develop forward thinking skills to determine what may happen as a result of a decision that they make. This will also help them decide which decisions or actions to prioritize over others.
EXPLORE OPTIONS
Decision making can impact on creativity. Help your children explore options and opportunities. Let them choose new things to try out without fear. Help them assess potential consequences and accept them but not be afraid to try something because of potential failure. They need to be able to decide to try something first before making judgements on it such as taking up an instrument or trying a sport. You can support them in this process by explaining the pros and cons, and then allowing them to choose what they want to do. Creating fear of trying stifles creativity and potential. Forcing a child to do something is also likely to have a negative impact. Give them the choice, armed with knowledge so they can learn and grow.
LEAD THE WAY
Show your children your decision making skills. Explain your processes for decision making and let them know that there will be mistakes and failures along the way, but that these can be used to learn and grow as well. Don’t be afraid to loosen the reins a bit and allow your child to make basic decisions for themselves from a young age. This will help them be able to make the harder decisions later when we may not always be there to pick up the pieces. Create a strong, independent teen by instilling a good decision making process from the get go.