ESSENTIAL TIPS TO HELP MAINTAIN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP AFTER HAVING KIDS!
Written by Feba Maryann
Hours of antennal classes or hundreds of parenting books can never keep you immune from the change your child brings to your marital dynamics. Prioritising your relationship along with the added responsibilities you have towards your child might feel overwhelming. As a result, the health of your relationship can plummet.
Here are some tips to keep your relationship strong throughout your parenting journey:
1. Friends and Family
Transitioning from a carefree lifestyle to one with responsibilities can cause a change in the momentum of your current relationship. That’s natural but the strong backing of extended family and friendship can help you wade through these troubled times safely to the shore.
Talk to relatives with kids, ask them how they manage everything. They might be able to give you an insight as to why your partner might feel a certain way or enforce certain rules.
Getting external support for the first few months after you give birth helps you to cope with the initial difficulties of parenthood. You can bring in parents, friends, relatives or a doula to help you out during the first few months. This gives you time to discuss an inhouse system that should be followed while taking care of the newly added responsibilities. You can schedule play dates for your kids while you enjoy precious intimate moments with your partner. This can help you relax and kick back into your pre-parenting lifestyle for a few hours.
2. Quality Time
Spontaneous drives to the beach, trying out a new restaurant in another town at odd hours of the day or just having a relaxing afternoon at home – all this become quite distant and strange with the addition of the cute little bundle in your life.
Try to spend quality time with each other as frequently as possible. Go beyond date night, engage yourselves in a new experience altogether like aerobic or dance classes. During this alone time, don’t talk about your kids. A few hours of worry-free heart-to-heart time might just be the medicine you need to strengthen your relationship.
3. The Little Things
It’s okay to feel a little overwhelmed with the new path drawn out. Sleep deprivation, constant feeling of exhaustion, demands of the newborn, physical and hormonal changes in your wife’s body can be stressful for new dads.
You might not be able to enjoy exclusive weekend getaways or do huge romantic gestures like the old days, so focus on the little things. Take time occasionally to surprise your partner with a breakfast-in-bed or by taking time out to brew coffee. This reminds them that you think and value what they do for the family.
4. Communication
Along with catering to the constant demands of the newborn, the domestic chores still need to be done, errands to be run, bills to be paid, house repairs, mowing the lawn, clearing the trash should be handled etc.
It’s easy to pick up a squabble with your partner when you have such a packed schedule. This squabble can easily turn into a blown-out argument which leaves both of you exhausted and frustrated. The key to helping you overcome this problem is Communication.
Not taking enough time to communicate may increase the tension and bring the worst out of the relationship. You need to understand that this phase is hard for both of you.
It’s okay and to take “baby” steps to overcome this period. Start to talk about the times you miss from your pre-baby life, talk about what you don’t enjoy about your parenting journey, this helps you reconnect faster. Take a “Tech Break”, your mobiles phones should never be a hindrance to the very little time you have together. When you spend quality time together, you become a model for your kids and help them learn to prioritise family over mobiles phones or iPads.
The relationship journey you have with your partner after having a baby won’t be a bed of roses. However, you should keep in mind that every obstacle you overcome together helps you come closer and build stronger bonds with your partner. When you prioritise your relationship over any barriers, you will start to enjoy your life to the fullest as a parent. Yes, a baby can change everything; but you decide how it affects you.