FINDING MY WAY

Written by Sheree Hoddinett

It feels like my parenting style and strategies change to suit the day. Sometimes what worked yesterday to diffuse World War 500 with my kids, won’t work tomorrow or even next century. At times, it can be a day-by-day situation and you never know what might be thrown your way, literally! I often find myself painting quite an “interesting” picture of motherhood. But I’ve always said I won’t lie about it. What’s the point? I could sugar coat everything but it wouldn’t be the real deal and I figure the truth needs to be out there. I have two beautiful, sassy, energetic daughters. They make my world complete. And chaotic, eventful, loud and so many other things that I could mention, but who has the time?! Haha! 

They do drive me crazy (pretty much every day!) and manage to find my last nerve on a very regular basis, but I wouldn’t know myself without them in my life. Being their mum is the best thing I have ever done and something I’m immensely proud of (when they aren’t driving me crazy of course). As is the way I brought them in to the world. I was fortunate to deliver two healthy babies naturally, drug free (believe me I asked, but there was no time!) and very, very quickly (something that has both good and bad sides to it, trust me!) with both of my labours combined lasting about as long as the average school day. Before you go hating me (I know it’s in a good way!), it had its downside too!

I think I’ve mentioned before how quickly my girls are growing up and at times, it’s kind of hard to accept they aren’t babies anymore and don’t need me as much as they used to. I mean, it’s great they can dress themselves, (sort of) clean their teeth on their own, feed themselves and occasionally play together without fighting. And with both of them settled into school life (grade 1 and grade 3 this year), it’s given me a bit more time to return to a sense of normalcy within my own life and even taking on more work. But there’s always mum mode switched on, no matter where they are and I think this is something that will stay with me for many years to come. Plus I’ll keep taking the cuddles as long as they offer them.

I do often wake up thinking which mum am I today? Which mum do I need to be? Do I have to be a particular type of mum? Can I just be me? Whoever she may be. I feel there’s this pressure on us mums (maybe dads feel it too) to fit into a category. In the words of a child, but whhhhhyyyyyy? It’s likely because we feel like we have to conform to an ideal created by society but there’s actually no reason for it. I try to just do my own thing regardless but it’s hard not to feel the background judgement which seems to be forever present, even if it’s just from yourself. It sounds silly but you know it’s true! And then when your child does something that sets you off and makes you feel like the worst parent on the planet, it always hits you like a tonne of bricks. Good work mum guilt, you strike again and again and again!

We can always ponder the what if scenario. What if I didn’t yell? What if I just let them eat whatever they want? What if I let them stay up all night, just to see what happens? Would it make me a better mum? Pfffftttt I doubt it. Most likely my girls would see it as a sign to rebel and ask for anything and everything under the sun, haha! I’m not a pushover and generally they are pretty good kids (about 60% of the time) but they are just that, kids. Two little (okay, maybe not as little as I still like to picture them) girls that most definitely still need their Mumma, for the time being anyway, so I’ll take that as long as I can grasp it. That’s until we hit the next stage, which feels like it’s already looming in the background for my big girl. Send help now, haha!

We all just need to keep doing our best, even if we forget how sometimes. No one is perfect, even if they think they are, it’s not true! On that note, if you ever need reminding that my parenting is far from perfect, check out my blog at:www.shereekim.com

Until next time…xx