Written by Sheree Hoddinett
When did they get so big?! When you’re looking back at old photos, the differences are amazing. It’s funny how I can look exactly the same (maybe a teeny tiny bit older) but my girls have changed so much just in the space of 12 months. 12 months!!! The days do feel long, but they’re really not. Kids just make them feel longer, especially if they keep you up all night, haha! It’s certainly awesome doing the comparison shots of the changes. Gone are the cute little baby faces and in their place are the wide smiles of little girls. Although I still love their chubby hands and faces.
Their cheeky smiles and laughter still get me, even when I’m mad because they have done something naughty. There’s something about little giggles that just make my heart melt. Maybe it’s because we’re linked by DNA. I have to like the sound, or maybe because it is very cute. On the other hand, it’s not so cute being whacked in the face for the fun of it or being called some weird unmentionable names. Sometimes they’re funny but I guess you have to be there, in the original moment for it to make any sense.
It’s funny how grown up they can seem, almost overnight. Taking a fascination with body parts (mummy’s boobies or bum) or coming out with words that I think are way beyond their comprehension. Being a mum is like riding a rollercoaster full of ups, downs, twists and turns and at times you can pretty much guarantee someone will throw up. You can prepare until the cows come home, but there’s always going to be so much you don’t know.
I look at them often and at times with a tear in my eye, thinking I’ve probably failed them. I worry that I’m a bad mum. Damn, that Mum Guilt, that old chestnut never goes away. I yell because they don’t put toys away. I yell again because they aren’t listening. I’ve smacked little bottoms for rudeness and throwing of toys. Yet, they still want their mummy, even when I don’t feel worthy of those beautiful smiling faces. Yes, I’m a Mum who has unknowingly continued on with anxiety and depression knocking on the door. No, I’m not saying all this because I’m looking for sympathy. I’m putting it out there because so many people have had things eat away at them so much, but it’s just become a part of them without any realisation of the growing problem and potential damage building up around them.
If I’m proud of anything, other than working through my “issues” (they’re definitely still there, trust me), is that although I’ve failed at and probably wrecked so many aspects of my life already, there are two things I have managed to get right, my beautiful “baby” girls. Although if you ask them, I’m quickly reminded that they aren’t babies, they are big girls now. Deep down I know I’m a pretty good mum. It’s those cute milestones they reach and the big smiles when they achieve something cool (like Miss Izzie writing her own name and a few others) that really bring me back down to Earth. I may never have a good grip on this mum thing, but I can never hide from the cheeky monsters anyway. They keep finding me…usually looking for chocolate…so I can’t give up just yet.
There is plenty more where this came from, so jump onto my website www.shereekim.com and either commiserate or laugh, either way I’m used to it! Until next time….