HELP AND SUPPORT FOR SINGLE PARENTS

Written by Caroline Meyer

Single parents may need a little extra help from friends and family.  Some of the ways that people can help is with emotional support, to be an ear to listen and perhaps offer practical advice where possible.  Another way that people can help single parents who are struggling is to offer to help them reduce their workload. This can take the form of a lift club, offering a meal or anything else you can think of that they will welcome. Social support is also generally welcome as it allows for adult company and even situations such as play dates which free parents up to do other things. Simply going for a haircut can be difficult with an infant and having a parent that can look after your child when you need to do so can be a blessing.  

It can be very difficult to ask for help and single parents may feel that they need to be able to handle everything on their own. They may also feel that they are taking advantage of others by making use of their assistance and support. The truth is, most people enjoy being able to help out and would do so with pleasure if asked. As a single parent you can offer quid pro quo.  Offer to take care of their kids in exchange for them taking care of yours at different times. Often a single parent will feel less uncomfortable asking for help when they can offer something in return. It may also be difficult as a single parent to know who to turn to. 

Some suggestions of people that can offer support include friends and family. Family will often be ready with open arms to help. If you feel there is too much complications to ask your family, you can also try asking friends. This is usually a lot less complicated and possible less emotionally charged. You can also look for assistance from people that you get to know through your child’s school, childcare centre, clubs, support groups or religious groups.  People that you work with or have got to know through other means may also be prepared to help out, even if it is just to listen when you need to vent. If you are looking for advice, you can also speak to your doctor or people at the local clinic. If you find the need to have someone listen to your issues without emotional involvement, you may want to book an appointment with a counsellor.  Online counselling may also prove useful especially if it is difficult for you to be outside of your home or if you are unable to find a sitter and desperately need some advice. 

Look around in your community for services and connections that may be able to assist you when needed. Playgroups, toy libraries, reading groups, community houses and other places in your community may be able to offer valuable support. Look online, at the library, at your child’s school or aftercare or ask other parents if they know of any groups in your area. This could prove invaluable to you.  You will come into contact with other parents at child care, school, sporting events, clubs and so forth. Making friends with other parents may offer you extra resources. They may also be able to offer advise and emotional support if you get to know them. They have probably faced many challenges as well and can offer you some insights.  Try joining clubs such as sports, crafts or book clubs and meet people through these groups.  Many of them will be parents as well and may be supportive. 

Parenting is not easy and you don’t have to feel you have to go it alone. Reach out to other people for support. You may have a massive network or only a small group of people you feel you can rely on, but you will need other people for the betterment of your own emotional well-being. Having other positive role models around can also help your children. Make sure to avoid negative people though as they won’t be of benefit to you or your children emotionally. 

You may find you lose some friends when you are a single parent, simply because you have different priorities.  This is also why it is important to make new friends as well. Sometimes reaching out to old friends that you lost touch with can also help you build up a good support network again. This is especially true if you lost touch with friends through your divorce. It may be easy to reconnect and discover the old familiarity. 

If you find yourself at your wits end and no support is readily available, you could look at taking some time out by taking your children to the park or a child friendly restaurant where they can play safely while you enjoy a cup of coffee. Invite a friend with kids and you can socialise while the kids play. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You don’t have to do it all alone.