HOW TO BE A GOOD LISTENER IN MARRIAGE

Written by Liza John  

Maybe your partner has been complaining about how you don’t listen to them and how they don’t feel heard. At first maybe you thought it was just silly from your partner’s side. It’s easy to pass it off as something laughable, but in reality, it is far from silly. Before you know it, lack of communication will result in resentment, emotional disconnect and might even tear your relationship into shreds.  

But first off, let us appreciate the fact that you took the first step. Maybe you wanted to make some changes or wanted to know the gravity of the issue, well whatever the reason is, what is important is that you’re here now. To find out more about how you can be a better listener read ahead.  

Empathy Is The Medicine That Humans Need.  

 It is viewing the world through another one’s perspective. Empathy plays a vital role in a marriage. If your spouse is ready to see things through your eyes, listen through your ears, and could look into your heart with their whole heart, that’s when you will start feeling at home.  

Sometimes your spouse will have to vent about something that happened at their work, and it is quite easy to zone out of the conversation. But instead of doing that, try lending them your ears and listen to them whining about how tiring their day has been or how challenging their work has been lately. They don’t expect you to solve all of their problems, but they just want you to listen to it.   

Your Spouse Needs Time And Attention.  

Give them your time and attention, simple as that. Make time for them even without your partner asking for it. Even if you have a lot of work to do, try to spend at least a few minutes listening to their TED talks, their hardships, and those tiny boring details of their day.   

Try to make eye contact with your spouse while they are talking. Show them that you are attentively listening to what they are saying. These little things go a long way, they reinforce the fact that you can be that shoulder for them to lean on.  

Respect Individual Space  

Never forget the fact that your spouse is also an individual and they have their own lives to live. It is not necessary that both of you should be together always. There will be times when your partner will need their own space; to clear their mind or to get their things done. Instead of creating a fuss over this, give them the space they need.   

There are going to be times when even you’ll need a break or space from your relationship and that is completely normal too. Just remember that respect goes both ways, and you receive what you give.  

Hearing The Unsaid  

Voicing one’s thoughts can be difficult at times. When your spouse can’t find the right words to express how they are feeling, hug them, try listening to the inner voice that they’ve failed to put into words. Make them feel secure and wanted. Assure them that you are there for them and that you will help them figure out whatever is bothering them.   

Look for other cues like their body language, or tone or attitude. Try to read the room and act accordingly.   

Share Your Thoughts As Well  

Try not to bottle up your emotions or keep any secrets. When one is ready to open up and the other one is ready to listen with a genuine curiosity, do pour your heart out.  

Try communicating things without holding them back. Talk about all your problems whether it be financial, trouble with kids, family matters, or personal issues. How can someone know what you are feeling, if you aren’t telling them?   

Final Words  

It is very important to make sure your partner gets the motive behind what you are saying and why you are saying it. Show that you understand it, simple gestures like asking them questions and telling them how you might have felt if you put yourself in their shoes.   

Not everyone can be a good listener, but it is something we need to cultivate. It is very natural for couples to fight. But once you start listening to your partner patiently and try understanding them, you can see yourselves growing on each other. Respect your partner and their decisions. Always communicate, because communication is the key to a healthy marriage.