HOW TO MANAGE EXPECTATIONS AT CHRISTMAS
Written by Kylie Kaden
Before becoming a parent, Christmas with children seemed like a dreamscape; think angelic children with a twinkle in their eye, frolicking around a colour-coordinated hand-picked tree, opening presents with sheer delight.
Yet, Christmas, as with life, doesn’t always play out like a greeting card and can easily decline into a rushed day of family arguments, overtired children and broken dreams.
To avoid Christmas feeling like an event you need to survive rather than something you look forward to, here’s some tips on how you can best manage your children’s expectations at Christmas, and your own sense of responsibility in meeting them.
1. Keep it Real
With all the commercial hype, it’s easy to get sucked into the myth that your child’s eternal happiness depends on whether you chose the right Oshie or secure the right Minecraft Lego.
The busyness gets to you and as the to-do list grows, so do the expectations to make the day Instagram-worthy.
At Christmas, it’s easy to feel like if it’s not unforgettable – it’s on you. That normal standards of home presentation and entertaining no longer apply – it’s the festive season – won’t guests expect home-made custard as smooth as Nigella Lawson’s voice, and a twelve-lemon decorative centrepiece?
In reality, few parents of young children without hired help have the time or energy to make sage gravy from scratch. Your family shouldn’t expect white linen service, nor should you feel like an underachiever for not giving it.
Think simple pleasures and basic decorations – expensive ornaments often become chew-toys, or found in the sandpit mid-December anyway…
2. Be mindful of raising expectations by over-giving
Start as you mean to go on. Many kids have toy-overload, resulting in gifts being abandoned, broken or boxed up for donation fairly quickly. By consciously deciding to purchase less when they are little (and often prefer the wrapping to the gift itself) you are also paving the way to limit their future expectations.
Christmas will look different as your child grows – and older-kids’ wish lists are far harder to fulfil financially than a few cheap plastic toys that may satisfy the rambunctious toddler.
Limit yourself to a few gifts you know your child will enjoy using throughout the year, and don’t be tempted to ‘fill a gap’ under the tree with last minute additions if your budget has been reached.
3. Start an inexpensive tradition you can maintain.
An important part of childhood memories is time spent as a family. One way to do this is through establishing traditions. But try to avoid fancy, time-consuming rituals that are hard to maintain. They might be as simple as opening one present the night before (a book, perhaps?), a stroll to the local lights, or a family recipe (not to mention the start of ham-fifty-one-ways). Your kids may balk at the idea as they age, but it’s more about spending time together than the tradition itself.
4. Expect a need for downtime – and plan for it.
Once babies and/or toddlers are on the scene, the day’s arrangements should consider their needs first – for the good of all. Avoid overtired kids by getting in first on the schedule of how and when to see various relatives. If you have different groups to catch up with, organise the festive season as just that – a series of opportunities across the week – or split the day into a Christmas brunch, afternoon downtime and an early dinner.
5. Avoid the trap of demonstrating love through material possessions.
Gift-envy, disappointment, unfair distribution of presents (whether real or imagined) – Christmas morning can quickly spool out of control when impulsive young minds and high expectations are in play.
The ‘I want’ mentality and the idea that getting less somehow makes you ‘less worthy’ (or naughtier in Santa’s books) can manifest into ungrateful attitudes, and spoilt, insecure kids. These diva-like attitudes are hard to unlearn if kids are consciously comparing their ‘haul’ to siblings or cousins, and somehow equate what they get with how much they are loved.
Make the day special by sitting down with them, exploring a new present together or assembling a Lego set – these are the memories they’ll remember, not the price-tag.
6. Take the opportunity to teach gratitude.
Being polite, thankful, and considerate of the time, money and thought the giver has put into a gift are important skills kids need to practice (even when gifts are double-ups or not what they wanted)
It may take years, but eventually having a deeper understanding of the joy of giving and receiving will benefit their social development, and make for easier family relations in future years.
By planning well, expecting a few extra tantrums and tears, and keeping expectations low you might just glimpse the odd twinkle of perfection amidst the crazy; a moment of joy as your youngest stares in wonder at the lights, or the warmth of a lingering goodnight hug from the eldest (despite being too old for Santa).
Keep things real, but still bank on a few flashes of extraordinary.
They’ll happen when you least expect them.
With a surfing-lawyer for a husband and three spirited sons under her wing, she is the only female in a house of males, and stays sane (and avoids the housework) by making things up for a living. While Kylie has an honours degree in psychology, she says it helps little in wrangling her sticky brood of boys, and can typically be found purging out the day’s fermented thoughts on her laptop (sometimes in the laundry so she won’t be found) while the washing mounts around her.