Imaginary Friends

By Jana Angeles

Children have the ability to create something with their imaginations when it comes to play time. They can easily pick up a toy and set them up for a tea party. They can pretend to be a shopkeeper or a teacher. And yet, some parents tend to worry when their child mentions that their imaginary friend is joining the family for dinner. Your mind wonders how your child is able to grasp such an interest on someone that doesn’t exist. It’s important to remember that every child’s growth progression is unique and maybe for you, having an imaginary friend is a stage you go through as a parent.

What are imaginary friends?

Imaginary friends are the friends your child makes up in their imagination. Normally imaginary friends are formed based on a storybook character or a human-like toy. These friends can either be there all the time or they come and go. Imaginary friends are normally found in a regular spot where your child hangs out; it could be in the kitchen, their room or cubby house. Because of their ability to appear and disappear, your child’s imaginary friend can pop by anytime.

In an article from Huffington Post, Eleanor Tucker had a deep fascination on imaginary friends and began to do her research on how common it was for children to have them. She shares the story of author Nikki Sheehan and how her book, Who Framed Klaris Cliff? explores a world on how imaginary friends become the enemy. While writing her story on Joseph and his imaginary friend, Klaris, Sheehan had a strong fascination on children having imaginary friends as something common rather than an “outdated phenomenon.”

She says, “For most of the 20th century the prevailing attitude was that imaginary playmates were a sign of insecurity and latent neurosis, so people may have been less inclined to admit to such flights of fancy.”

Interestingly enough, other countries had their own unique views on imaginary friends. Sheehan adds, “I found in my research, was the fact that in some places, including Japan, there are people who believe that imaginary friends are protective spirits who watch over children. Sometimes they are dead ancestors and sometimes just body-less beings who find themselves needed.”

Although Nikki Sheehan’s story is fictional, she too had an imaginary friend of her own. Due to this, Sheehan was able to be creative with her book by providing a voice for kids who have imaginary friends. As parents, we tend to forget how vivid our child’s imagination can be, and if something doesn’t strike as normal, our first instinct is to worry. Two out of three children experience having an imaginary friend and considering this statistic, it’s perfectly normal for your child to have one.

Good things to know about imaginary friends:

• Overcomes boredom and provides entertainment.
• Helps your child express their true feelings and have support through difficult times.
• They can take over your child’s conscience in making good decisions.

• Sparks creativity and curiosity in their minds.
• It allows your child to practise their social skills.
• Allows you to have an insight on your child’s inner world; their likes, dislikes and tastes.
• Your child will most likely enjoy stories on fantasy play and magical stories.

Will they stick around for long?

Your child will eventually stop playing with their imaginary friend(s) when they are ready to move on. Imaginary friends are likely to stick around for several months or until they are up to three years of age.

If you find yourself getting annoyed by your child’s imaginary friend, follow these tips to better handle these situations:

• Scenario 1: ‘Mum, can you do this for… [imaginary friend’s name]’: if you find that your child is requesting you to do things for their imaginary friend, such as making the bed, fixing up a snack or opening the door, let them do those things themselves. From this, you’re showing acceptance of their imaginary friend and also taking the opportunity to develop your child’s skills.
• Scenario 2: The Blame Game: you’ll probably find your child saying and doing the wrong things and blaming their imaginary friend for their actions. When you come across this, it’s best to tell your child that their imaginary friend couldn’t have done it. In order to teach them a lesson, you can tell your child to clean up as ‘punishment’. This in turn will teach them how to behave appropriately.
• Scenario 3: The Consultant: your child may confide with their imaginary friend before doing something. They might also tell you to speak to them in order to receive ‘their blessing’. This can be really frustrating for you if they continuously do this. The best way to handle this is to say ‘I want to hear what you think, not what [imaginary friend’s name] thinks.’

Worried still?

For some children, having imaginary friends can be a symptom of other issues. This could be because they went through a traumatic event or if their imaginary friend starts being mean to them. If your child goes through any of these, it’s best to seek the advice from your local GP or health professional.