INTERVIEW: A BRAVE NEW WORLD – BERNADETTE BLACK
At 16, Bernadette Black unexpectedly fell pregnant and experienced firsthand the stigma associated with teenage pregnancy and the lack of support and education available. Flash forward to 2015 – Bernadette is the author of ‘Brave Little Bear’ and CEO and Founding Director of the Brave Foundation, which she established to provide education, support and resources for teenage and unplanned pregnancy. We have a chat to her about her journey and experiences.
What inspired you to create the Brave Foundation?
I was a 16 year old mother myself. As a pregnant teen I made myself three promises, 1) to be a good mum 2) to finish my education and 3) to write a book or pamphlet that would help others in this situation. I wrote the book ‘Brave Little Bear’, which is the meaning of my name. It received so much national publicity and feedback that I knew a charity needed to be started to help any person facing teenage pregnancy or parenthood in any community nationally. Brave Foundation was incorporated in 2009. Here I was as a Registered Nurse (at the time) starting a charity that would one day have a national presence. There has been much personal learning to do this over the years, business studies etc. and this is something I am so honoured to be a part of. It always feels like I’m at the beginning and I am quite comfortable with that!
What resources do you see as important for a pregnant teen and what are the resources that the Brave Foundation provides?
The reason I wrote my book was because it was literally the resource I couldn’t find. I asked a nurse in the young mums group I went to as a pregnant teen, if there was a book, pamphlet or something that could show me I could be ok. She said there was nothing and suggested I read an inspirational book! I wanted to know that someone had lived it, breathed and survived it. My main concern was for the others in my group. Even though my dad was angry (he didn’t talk to me properly until the end of my pregnancy) and my mum unwell due to the shock, at least I had a pillow to put my head on at the end of the day. Some of the kids in this group were homeless, one boy was 16 and was going to become the sole parent of his former girlfriend’s baby, others were in emergency housing. I wanted them to know there was some hope, a speck of light to say that they could be ok too. Brave Foundation provides resource packs to secondary schools and support services nationally; these include ‘Brave Little Bear’ and a policy standard for schools to help them equip the pregnant or parenting teen towards finishing their education. We also assist with individualized education pathway plans for those in this situation. It is imperative that learning for someone in this situation can be flexible. A new mum needs the gift of maternity leave, no matter what age. However, keeping connected to education, even one subject a year, can create an entirely different future for the mother or father, and importantly their child and generations to come.
Could you tell us a bit about your relationship with Brave Foundation Chair David Bartlett? What is your shared history?
David Bartlett is the Former Tasmanian Premier. When I started Brave in 2009, I introduced myself to his wife Larissa at an event and she agreed to become an Ambassador for Brave. I didn’t know it at the time, although Larissa later told me that David was born to a teenage mum and adopted out. David’s story is another amazing journey, and is a big part of why he is Chair of the Brave Foundation. [Having David as Chair of Brave] is an incredible honour for me as the Founding Director and CEO. It was another personal honour to meet David’s biological mum at our recent national launch. They have a beautiful relationship that has been reestablished. It’s like David and I are two bookends of the teen pregnancy story.
What challenges have you faced as a teen mum?
Many! From people saying ‘babies h aving babies’ to peopl e suggesting I hide my belly if I was embarrassed! It was very tough and disappointingly, pregnant teens today still face these challenges. We can all take responsibility to change that in our society.
What can people do to destroy the stigma surrounding teenage pregnancy?
If you’re only told and onl y hear negative things, then unfortunately and understandably your outcome can be negative. Just one positive voice, just one ‘you can do it’ no matter how small or big, that is what makes the difference. Brave Foundation’s vision is to build up the village of support and acceptance around any person facing teenage pregnancy and parenthood. If this village is not in their family and support environment, it is Brave’s mantle that we bring the village to them through access to support and educational services. We have over 130 services displayed on the Directory of Services on our website.
What piece of advice do you have for other girls who are in the same situation that you faced at 16?
What my Year 10 teacher told me, ‘The journey might be different now but the destination can stay the same.’ Like I did, I would suggest they write down three promises for their life, keep them and watch how they walk into these. It is also important to have what we call one safe person in your life. That person will help you believe in your three promises at times when you can’t. This may be a family member or friend, or a teacher, nurse or chaplain. Find this person if they don’t seem obvious, and you will see those three promises come into reality overtime. I’d also say stick to secondary schooling, even if it’s a subject a year. It is so worth it across many aspects. Finally, visit bravefoundation.org.au to see how others have walked this journey. Find out about support for you and how you can be a part of the Brave village.
What are the best things about being a mother?
Being a mum has taught me more about myself than any other thing! It has taught me to be grateful in the little things, and then you can be grateful in the big. It has taught me to stop and listen and think of a world I want my kids to be a part of. Lastly, they give me every inspiration to be a part of changing our world towards one of encouragement and support for all people. We all need a village as parents.
What is something your parents said to you that you find yourself saying now?
It is so embarrassing when you realize you sound just like your mother! Although, my mother is pretty amazing! It’s more the things I do than say. Every morning I make my kids a cup of tea – that started when they were 5. I swore I’d never do that! I dance like a mum, when did that happen? I swore I’d never do that either! Yes, the ultimate parent highlight, yelling out ‘I love you’ to your teenage kids through the car window when they are heading to school – major parent fail if you ask them!!! My mum did this too. My Dad has been deceased for 12 years. I learned so much from him too – most of all perseverance and running the race, finishing the race well, and keeping the faith. I hope in a small way that my life as an action shows my kids the significance of these words.
Do you want your kids to follow in your footsteps?
I’d want them to run this life with perseverance, and at every chapter make it to the end and finish well. Starting something is easy, carrying it out and finishing things well is tough. I’m still learning that. The other thing I would say is, no matter what, love never fails. That is fact.
Who is your hero?
Can I have three?
My husband. Steven holds such strength with the perfect ingredient of gentleness. I’ve never met another human being like him. Man, he is immovable in his love for his family. It is quite incredible and something I am in awe of. I want to be more like him.
My dad. He was a marathon runner. He died training for his 8th Melbourne marathon at 49. His whole life changed when I had my baby at 16. He stopped gambling, being emotionally aggressive and so much more. I had 5 years with an amazing father (he died when Damien was 5), that some would never have in a lifetime.
Quentin Bryce, Australia’s first Governor General. I’ve been fortunate enough to meet her a couple of times and can admire greatly the incredible journey her life has taken her on. I admire people like Quentin that play a substantial role in shaping culture for the betterment of all.
How would you describe your parenting style?
You’d have to ask my kids! I suspect their answer would depend on the day!! Seriously, our parenting journey is always evolving. I’ve never been a mum to a 22, 14 and 11-year-old before. I’m always learning as a mum and I need people around me at each stage. My husband and I are very conversational with our 3 children. You might think the older they get the less you need to be there; I’ve found the opposite. By just being with them in the evenings, cooking tea etc. is the time they start talking and I listen. Much comes from those moments. I hope we have them at every stage, even when I’m a parent to a 60-year-old!
How is your parenting style different to the way your parents raised you?
We talk about anything, there are no off limit conversations from our end. We challenge ourselves and our parenting every week without even realizing, by checking on how each child is travelling and what is happening in their worlds. When ours are so full this is really important. Also, my kids learnt how to do their own washing from 14! List three things every child needs (besides the obvious basics, i.e. food, water & shelter). Honesty, truth and encouragement regardless of the situation.
What is the one thing you’ve learnt from being a mum?
To pick your battles as we are all learning, my kids and I included. Although, I need to remember that I’m the adult that has learned a chunk more! I’ve learned to give myself grace. I’m not going to get it right all the time, but I can learn a bit more about how I might approach the same issue next time!
Is there anything else you would like My Child readers to know?
Being a parent is the most rewarding and challenging role you will ever live. We are all learning together and need a village of support and acceptance around each of us, at each stage of parenthood. Remember to listen to your kids. When you’re not talking, often they are – this is so important when our children grow into teenagers and young adults. Be present, put down the phone, eye ball them and spend snapshots of time when you can. That quality of time, no matter how seemingly short, will build the platform for many memories and ultimately to happy and healthy families into the future. Love always wins.