IS IT TERRIBLE TWOS OR JUST TERRIBLE BEHAVIOUR?
Written by Jana Angeles
It can be a steep learning curve for parents when they are raising toddlers in the process. With tantrums and all sorts of trouble, the grey area of terrible twos and terrible behaviour can be tricky to know the difference. It can be easy to assume that bad behaviour is associated with the age of your child. However, it may be a serious problem if your child has bad behaviour in general that’s worth investigating further.
Signs it may not be the terrible twos
They have anti-social behaviour
Depending on the environment your child has been exposed in, it all comes down to the way you have behaved around them and the sense of stability in your household. If there have been cues of any anti-social behaviour and you’ve noticed that they generally keep to themselves when at child care or with a family friend, there may be a behavioural problem. While your child may be introverted or shy even, if you notice that they are cold to other people, this behaviour may impact them in a negative way when they get older.
No sign of empathy or sense of emotions
While you may not realise it, children are generally quite empathetic and grow their emotional intelligence as they get older. If you have struggled to get any affection from your child and they seem to be withdrawn from general human interaction, they may need professional help. Also, if you find yourself repeatedly telling them to stop misbehaving and they still won’t listen, you may need to seek further professional advice to help you understand what is happening to your child’s behaviour.
They are bullying their peers
With the signs mentioned above, if you add bullying to the list of problems your child may be experiencing, this is far from normal. For them to pick up cues that stem from violent behaviour is unhealthy, so seeking professional help is advised. Toddlers should generally be pleasant to be around with – no matter the label of “terrible twos”.
What next steps should I take if I notice something is wrong?
Be honest with yourself and talk with your partner
If you have been in denial for a while but have had a strong gut feeling that something feels ‘off’ about your child’s behaviour, speak with your partner and see if they feel the same. Having this discussion as parents can help you make sense of the situation and together can make a decision on whether your child needs professional help.
Do your research but don’t self-diagnose your child’s behaviour
Googling symptoms is the norm these days but it can be extremely helpful to get a general idea what your child may be going through. However, don’t assume that Google has the answer for everything and is a replacement for professional medical help. Speaking with your doctor and having a behavioural management plan can help your child progress and improve their behaviour in the long run.
Try not to stress yourself out and accept it for what it is
If you already know that there is something wrong with your child behaviour-wise, do your best to accept it for what it is. You should not feel discouraged about your parenting ways because if you know that you have been loving and caring from the start, don’t automatically assume that your child’s behaviour is your own fault. We tend to second guess ourselves as parents but it’s important to realise that human behaviour is complicated and we need to come to terms with the fact that it just happens. It can be frustrating when things don’t go our way but we must make the best of the present and not be stuck in the past. Some things in life are just out of our own control and that is completely okay.
While most parents think that “terrible twos” stage is just a phase, for others, it may be major behavioural problems that need immediate attention to. Don’t panic if you know that your child has bad behaviour and assume they already have ongoing behavioural issues. Speak with a doctor first before you make the decision that something’s up and do your best to move forward and tackle this challenge headstrong like any parent would.