JEALOUS OF THE ATTENTION YOUR WIFE GIVES YOUR BABY? WE’VE GOT YOU COVERED!

September 22, 2020 /

Written by Lance Green 

Do you feel like an outsider when you look at your baby’s bond with your spouse? Do you feel neglected? Do you feel like you never have alone time with your wife, that you’re in a never-ending cycle of nappy changes and sleepless nights?    

Here’s some good news, this is normal and very common among new dads. However, most new dads refrain from talking about it because it’s a very touchy subject. Here are a few steps to help you preserve your love life and let your partner know how you’re feel. 

  1. Let Her Know How You Feel   

The first six months are crucial for your child. Your partner may get involved with trying to create the perfect surrounding for your baby. Perhaps your partner isn’t even aware of the time she spends with her child. She might not realise that she is losing touch with you because of the baby. While you feel left out, your partner might see it as a lack of support. Talk to her about it. Appreciate the work she is doing but also let her know that she needs to keep aside some time for you too. Reason with her calmly, do not infuriate her. She might also be suffering from postpartum depression. Let her know that your child shouldn’t change the dynamics of your relationship.  

  1. Join Them  

Concentrate on spending time together as a family. This will strengthen the bond you have with your partner and your baby. Share all the responsibilities of childcare. From nappy changes to playtime, let her know that you are ready to help with anything. The more time you spend with your child, the less envious you feel. When you take up your fair share of chores, your partner’s schedule will get cleared faster which allows her to devote more time for you. You might not be able to enjoy alone time like before, but it’s not impossible. She will start feeling like you value her, which will bring a positive impact on the time you spend together. Raising a child is purely empathetic teamwork. Mutual understanding is the most important part of childcare.  

  1. Build A Timetable   

Make a weekly timetable which contains a structured plan on how you plan to share the chores. Set aside a few time slots for both of you to unwind and chat about daily events. Make it a point to eat at least one meal together, without any distractions. Try to include a special, romantic date every month. Go out on weekly dates once your baby gets used to regular schedules. If you can’t fit dates into your timetable, get creative and make every day special. Who said you can’t get a little flirty while she bends over to pick a nappy?  

  1. Be romantic    

Romance is a two-way street. As your partner deals with her physical changes and mood swings, let her know how precious she is to you. The smallest romantic gestures like clipping a cute note beside her bed stand or clearing up some of her tasks could keep your relationship fresh and alive. Be spontaneous, shower her with compliments, bring home special “I love you” flowers. 

Applying this might seem impossible. Your partner’s mood swings and outbursts can be hard to handle. Despite all your efforts, your partner might still seem distant to you. This is completely normal for new mums. Your partner also needs time to adjust to the new lifestyle changes. Her moods aren’t a reflection of her feelings for you, it’s just because of her hormonal fluctuations. About 40 per cent of new mothers refrain from having sexual relations for up to two years. The release of prolactin suppresses her libido. She might also not be comfortable with the changes in her body due to the pregnancy. It’s part of an inbuilt mechanism which prevents her from conceiving too soon after her delivery which ensures that all her energy is focused on the newborn. However, if you’re still having trouble stirring up your love life, consider couples therapy and professional help.    

Be patient and supportive, this phase will pass slowly.