Jealousy Issue in Blended Families
Written by Jana Angeles
The issue of jealousy is common in all blended families. If your partner has children from their previous relationship, you can feel like you’re a second priority when it comes to them. It’s hard to manage your priorities when you want to make both parties equally happy. Unfortunately, sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. It’s important to recognise jealousy as an issue early on in the relationship and to communicate your feelings with your partner. Even though you understand where they’re coming from, it doesn’t mean they should exclude you from everything. Jealousy is a top relationship killer and it’s not healthy to have that feeling hover you on a daily basis. Here are some ways where you can overcome jealousy and improve the relationship between your partner and the children:
Figure Out What is Causing It
The main priority is figure out what is causing the jealousy in the first place. Assuming that the jealousy is coming from you, recognise if it has anything to do with your own insecurities and if you feel like the needs of your partner are not being met on their end of the relationship. Recognising the root of the problem can help you figure out where the jealousy is stemming from, either from internal or external forces within your life.
Work On Yourself
If you’ve been through a divorce in your previous relationship and remarried with a partner who has children, you might feel like you have to impress them even more and rely on their validation and acceptance. Furthermore, if you have low self-esteem issues, find ways that can boost your mood – whether it’s taking yourself out to lunch or shopping for a new wardrobe.
Learning to love yourself is a hard thing to do but you’ll find that your life improves so much because you’re putting less pressure on yourself and aren’t worried about what people think of you. Avoid the comparison trap and don’t feel like you’re being shortchanged when it comes to your relationships. Coming from a blended family has its challenges but it’s not without its rewards!
Be Proactive
Be proactive when it comes to the jealousy issue and don’t be passive aggressive and take out your anger on your partner and children. Taking initiative of the problem can benefit you to find healthy solutions in dealing with the jealousy. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and repressing your feelings, have an honest conversation and try to improve your lifestyle by adding activities that boost your mentality and confidence in yourself. It’s important to feel like you’re not at a loss and that you can progress and not feel jealous anymore!
Change Your Perspective
If you’ve been clouded with judgement over in the past and it hasn’t benefited you or the people you care about, it’s time to improve your state of mind and be open to new things! Even though change isn’t easy for most people, it can greatly improve the dynamics of your personal life and you can learn new core values and lessons in life. When we become jealous, it’s instinctive for us to assume that another person is wrong and we’re automatically right. Being open to change and gaining a different perspective can help you grow as a person. It can also help you become aware of how jealousy affects the people you love and will help you be empathetic towards them.
Create Good Memories
If you find it challenging to establish a positive relationship with your partner’s children or feel like you don’t fit in with their family dynamics, put in the effort and see how you go. Being positive and kind goes a long way and your partner’s children can start to become fond of you. Instilling positivity is much easier than wallowing in jealousy and feeling like you’re not getting the attention you deserve.
Imagine you’re in your partner’s shoes and see it from their point of view on how much the struggle in keeping balance with you and their kids. It isn’t easy managing both but their children come as a first priority. Instead of being bitter, be grateful for what you have because as a step parent, you can add value to your partner and their children’s lives.
Jealousy is bound to be felt in blended families and something we can’t avoid if the issue itself isn’t sorted immediately. Remember that jealousy makes us blind and can make others look like they’re in the wrong. In this case, we shouldn’t assume people are doing wrong by us and have the best intentions. Give yourself the opportunity to work on yourself and try to establish meaningful connections with your stepchildren and be understanding of the needs and wants of your partner.