Learning Manners Matters
I’m a writer of stories predominantly set in Africa, so I know that my readers expect that they will experience a different culture to their own when they pick up a T.M. Clark book. As I write this, I’m on holiday in Europe, experiencing different cultures in each country. We’re fortunate that we can travel by choice, and that we enjoy the experience of travelling as a family. My, now adult, sons are relatively well travelled, and I’m happy to say that they’re as interested in learning about other cultures as me as we make our way around. I believe this is a learnt behaviour.
Learning to exercise constraint.
In Australia, we have strict anti-smoking laws. During this holiday, we’ve found the ratio of smokers to non-smokers extremely high, and not only that, it isn’t in their ‘culture’ to be considerate about where they smoke, or who’s face the smoke lands up in. It distressed us all to see smokers with small children in cars, but then we had to remember that there are different laws in each land we travel to. Both my kids have commented on how lucky they are to have been brought up Australian – not that we were smokers, but that others couldn’t smoke in the spaces near them.
We’re on their soil; we try not to react, to keep our cool and not demand they put out their cigarettes when they’re lighting in a non-smoking zone. Acknowledgement and respect that their culture is different to ours.
Learning patience.
We’ve also been fortunate to spend time in Disneyland, Paris where we witnessed a few ‘darlings’ become ‘demons’. Demanding and unreasonable – wanting their toy now! (Have to admit here, there were a few times I would have loved to have done the same thing, but as an adult, I’ve learnt to show some restraint and practice patience!)
In a society where instant gratification is increasingly becoming the norm, how do we teach our children good old fashioned patience? I’m a child of the 70’s, and was brought up with the saying ‘patience is a virtue.’ Granted I didn’t really understand exactly what I was being told back then, and it wasn’t until I looked it up recently that I learnt that this was actually one of the seven virtues identified by Pope Gregory on his list of seven deadly sins in 590 AD: chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility. In days gone by it was preached that practising these virtues would protect you against temptation from the seven deadly sins.
So, it appears that all these virtues are learnt behaviours, and as a parent, it’s my responsibility to ensure that I have taught my kids ‘good manners’ so when they go out into the world, they’ll be viewed as ‘nice people’.
New ways to learn.
I was brought up in rural Africa, many of these virtues were taught to me as life skills, e.g. If you want food you need to go out and hunt it, and then you invite your neighbours and friends around and share your abundance of food. (Temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility all rolled into one experience. I guess for the adults; there was a bit of chastity practised too at those parties.)
But in this day and age, in a modern urban time, how do we teach children these same lessons? Hunting is now mostly a taboo, and don’t mention gun laws…different time, different culture.
Journey every time you read together.
Exposure to different cultures doesn’t have to be in the form of actual travel; you can journey each and every time you read. Books of different cultures expose our children to the world, and to the wide variety of people, whose ways are different to our own, and with life lessons of their own to share. Books play a considerable role in helping us not only entertain, but educate our children.
Most children love being read to, so why not make your special reading time functional-literature?
Consider, escaping into a book with your child. Explore different cultures and experience exposure to all the different ways in which you can help create awareness of ‘the virtues’. Remembering that, they need these ‘social graces’ to get through life as functioning adults within our own societies.
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Tina is a writer of Adult and Children books.
Her latest adult book is Child Of Africa, available in all good bookstores
Her picture book is Slowly! Slowly! Also available in all good bookstores
You can visit her website at www.tmclark.com.au