LET THEM BE FREE: TIPS TO BE LESS PROTECTIVE OVER YOUR KIDS
Written by Lance Green
As dads, we tend to get protective over our kids. In general, it’s probably the parental instincts kicking in that make us feel like this by default. When we hear the news and see something happen to a child similar to the age of our son or daughter, we get scared and we feel like it’s our duty of care to stop it from happening, so we start saying no to things. It may be because we still see them as babies and want to do our best to prevent anything bad from happening.
The truth is, once they grow up, you have to let your child be their own person and leave them to their devices when it comes to their decision-making. While it may seem like a good idea that you’re protecting them now, it may not be best for the future. Here’s how you can be less protective over your kids but also being the father who sets the ground rules too.
Do your best not to associate your children when you hear the news
It can be awful hearing about a tragic event that involves children and it’s totally acceptable to feel like you need to be the protector of your kids for a bit when you hear it happens, but you can’t protect them forever. Do your best to warn your children early about predators (online & offline) and mention any red flags that determine a person should not be trusted. Always teach them that their safety comes first, encouraging them to be smart in their own choices made.
Explain why you said ‘no’ to a particular party or sleepover
This can be a tricky one and although you have briefly met their friend’s dad or mum and had a brief chat at parent-teacher interviews, you may have declined their offer of a party invite or sleepover. While your child may be mad at you for saying ‘no’, give them a reasonable explanation on why you did so and don’t leave them hanging. By simply admitting that you don’t really know the family, or feel comfortable that they’re getting looked after by their friend’s parents is a reasonable explanation and you can then talk about the importance of trust and duty of care of adults.
But don’t be too restrictive!
We understand that you may not know any of your child’s friends parents but don’t decline on every activity your child gets invited to. There is no point keeping your children at home if you know they could be going to a nice beach or shopping centre with their friends. The best thing you can do is trust that they will get home safely and let them have fun. If you want to check in on how their day is going, ask if you can get the number of their friend’s parents so you can keep in touch at all times and know where they are during the day.
Give them the freedom but also set some ground rules
Take the time to discuss with your partner how you define “freedom” for your kids and what ground rules you want to implement. There comes a time where your child will be approaching their last year of primary school and they happen to go out after school to the shopping centre or play with their friends at the nearby park. If you are comfortable giving their independence, give them a curfew time that they need to be home by so this can stop you from worrying that they will be out so late. Explain that there are consequences when they break the rules.
No matter what stage of parenting you’re at, it can feel daunting being a father of your children. There is so much pressure for us to be the protectors of the family but things have changed. It’s important you find that balance of being lenient and strict and trust that you are teaching your children the importance of their own safety and wellbeing. They are kids after all so allow them to get a taste of freedom when you know that they are ready for it and trust that they will do the right thing.