LIFE LESSONS LEARNED AFTER CHILDBIRTH

January 21, 2019 /

Author: Genie Price 

It goes without saying that having a baby is a life-altering experience.  

Parenting journeys take shape differently – which is why not one parents’ story is ever the same as the next. How we parent and what we learn along the way differs from others, too.  

I asked several parent friends what they considered to be the top lessons learned along the way. Here, we share them with you.  

Babies do not come with a manual: 

Do you remember the famous cabbage patch doll from the 80s? Carefully packaged with a birth certificate and a booklet of instructions?  

If only it were that easy, right? We all know that is not what happens with the little humans we bring into this world. In fact, it is one statement that we can all agree on – babies do not come with manuals.  

Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter how many child development books you read or how many nights you spend on “Google scholar” researching parenting – nothing will prepare you for the real thing.  

It will take a few months, even years to work out what your baby’ personality might be, during which one thing is for sure, your baby will evolve and grow in ways that do not go by “the book”.  

Fed is best:  

Breast or formula?  

The age old debate of breast is best vs formula fed is still a hot debate, even in 2018.  

We all know there is clear evidence to indicate breast milk contains exclusive nutrients that are more beneficial in the early days of life, helping fight infections as your baby grows and develops. However, one thing many mothers learn throughout their journey into motherhood is that until you actually become a Mum, you won’t know if you can breastfeed or not. Your initial plans can change in a heartbeat and you can be left with doing what’s best, but not necessarily what you wanted.  

If you can breastfeed, awesome. If you can’t – that’s okay too.  

Whatever you choose, you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about that choice. Unless you’re baby develops a severe allergic reaction to formula, the chances are they will still grow in equal measures to a bub on breast milk.   

(Please note: Not all mothers can breastfeed and each person should do as their body will allow. If you are under the supervision of a professional, please seek their advice before significantly changing your babies’ food intake). 

Mum knows best:    

A mother’s intuition is a fine thing and should never be ignored.  

At some stage throughout motherhood, you’ll experience it.  

A mother’s intuition is known as the deep bond between mother and child. It can often be that uncomfortable feeling you get when you sense something is not right. It can also exhibit as positive emotions, also.  

Not everyone understands it, let alone listens to it – however, if you ever do experience such feelings, it’s okay to follow your gut. Chances are, whatever the situation may be, you were right. 

Your husband/partner admires your strength 

Often, you think that the man in your life is on another planet, maybe you think that he doesn’t seem to care, acknowledge or even notice the struggles you’re having as a parent. This, in most cases, is not true.  

  • They notice you and they acknowledge your strength 
  • They understand priorities change and that’s OK 
  • They love you more now than they did before 
  • They hear your struggles and will respond the best way they know how 
  • They are learning to be a new Dad, too 

Together, you can make a great team. Take each day as it comes and your journey should be a great one. 

Everyone claims to be a parenting expert:  

We all do our best and there’s a lot of people who aren’t afraid to express that they know everything there is to know about being a parent.  

While offering support and advice is okay, unless your friend is a qualified midwife or paediatrician, not one person is an expert on the subject of newborn babies and little humans. You’re doing just fine.  

Tips:  

  • It’s perfectly okay to have those conversations, to compare experiences and share ideas.  
  • What works for their baby, will not necessarily work for yours.  
  • Do not let any other person tell you how to raise your babies and avoid telling other parents what to do with theirs   

Unless you are asked for advice or a concerned that a child’s immediate safety is in danger, politely keep your opinions to yourself.  

You may need to fine tune your finances: 

Whether your pregnancy was planned or not, having babies and raising a family increases the cost of living. Are you prepared?  

Those new items you need, such as prams, cots and accessories for your new bubs are going to take its toll on expenses. As your child grows, the costs associated are going to rise, too.  

What to consider:  

  • Medical costs  
  • Day-care costs 
  • Clothing and nappies 
  • Toys and growth accessories 
  • Schooling and books 

The list goes on. Don’t fall into a debt trap by not thinking that you might need to prepare.  

If you have time, minimise the risk of placing yourself and your family in debt or unsatisfactory situations, by saving consistently. If not much time is afoot, seek advice to support you to make the right choices before your bub is due.   

Dad’s get post-natal depression too 

Pregnancy is a powerful and life-changing experience for both women and men. It can stir up some strong, deep and unexpected emotions and issues and while antenatal and post-natal depression is more publicly identified in women, men can suffer too.  

1 in 10 men will be affected by either post or antenatal depression. Antenatal is during pregnancy, post-natal is after birth.  

If you notice that your husband or partner is down in the dumps either pre or post baby, it might be worth a visit to the doctor.  

Your mental health as well as your partner’s is important and should be treated as such. Take care of each other, as parenthood is quite the roller coaster ride and if you are not mentally prepared for it, it won’t be a fun journey. 

For more info: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/men/what-causes-anxiety-and-depression-in-men/new-fathers 

A few more lessons learned:  

  • Take photos when they are little to help remind you how much you love them when they are teenagers 
  • Housework can wait, because each stage is over in a flash, enjoy the time you have together 
  • Kids are resilient 
  • Eating hot food is a luxury  
  • Juggling work-life balance is just that, a juggling act 
  • Everyone is just as clueless as you  
  • You will never sleep the same again 

While most of the changes are overwhelmingly happy ones, like when your little one laughs for the first time, some may be a little tougher to handle.  

You transform into a sleep-deprived zombie, spend countless hours changing a never-ending stream of nappies and have to fork over a pretty big chunk of your time and finances, but all this and more is part in parcel of parenthood. An experience not all get the luxury to have, so if you do, treasure the memories and make the journey your own.   

About the Author:  

I’m a mother of two boys aged 7 and 10. Lucky to have them, I was blessed to experience two healthy pregnancies and had a super support network to make sure I was doing ok throughout!  

Parenting is hard work, do your best and your children will thank you for it.