PICKING UP THE PIECES AFTER LOSING A PARTNER

Written by: Caroline Meyer

Loss is one of the most difficult obstacles we have to face in life. Whether it is a bereavement, a divorce, the end of a friendship or even a job termination, this can leave you floundering and unsure of yourself and your life going forwards. You may feel stripped of an integral part of your identity; you may find yourself sliding into depression and helplessness. Loss is painful and for most of us, very hard to cope with. How do you move on after a devastating loss?

While there is no cure all and only time lessens the pain, we look at a few coping strategies that may help you get back on your feet after losing a partner. Some of these might work for you and some may not, and that is okay. Everyone copes differently. The main thing to do is to keep on moving forward.

Set Plans And Goals

This may seem impossible at the outset and many of your future plans may have died along with hopes and dreams you had with your partner. The main thing is to gain back some control of your life. Set some goals for your future and plan how you are going to reach them. Start small to increase your successes so that you persevere. This gives you some form of control over your life again and can help you through the rough times. The goal and long-term plan can be anything you want to achieve. Just make sure that it is achievable, even if it is going to take a little work to get there.

Find Someone To Talk To

Whether this is a therapist, a friend or family member or someone in a support group, having an outlet for your pain is good. Find someone you are comfortable talking to that is a great listener and this will also help relieve some of the emotional pain that goes with loss or bereavement. This may also help you think clearer when you can articulate your thoughts to someone else. Preferably someone who is non-judgemental and who will listen with an open mind. If you do not have friends and family you feel you can talk to, there are support groups you can try or consult with a therapist that can help you cope.

Reduce Negativity

Guilt and blame can play a big part in a loss. Cut out the negativity as far as possible. Focus on the positives and surround yourself with positive people and emotions. Find something that you have made a bad habit and change it. Changing a bad habit for a good one can also help you improve your mood and even your health. Cutting out the negativity opens you up for positivity and being able to see a future where you can better cope and are able to be happy again at some point.

Be Thankful

While you are going through this rough time in your life, it does help to find things to celebrate. Be thankful for the small things and this will help improve your positive outlook and make your world a little richer. It is easy to focus on what is lost and this hurt can cause a downward spiral. By changing your focus to the things you have to be grateful for, you can improve your outlook and learn to cope better.

Let Go Of What Cannot Be Changed

Too often we spend too much time on the “what ifs” and this does a lot more harm in the long run. There are things that cannot be changed. You cannot go back in time and undo something that has already happened. Change your focus to the future and the way forward. Chasing after impossible answers will also not help you going forward. Accept that sometimes there are no reasons and no answers to your questions. You have to let it go and move on with life.

That being said and done, a loss can be extremely debilitating and hard to cope with. It can impact on your family in a dramatic way and change your lives forever. If you need it, make sure you reach out to people that can help you during this time. If you have children that are affected by the loss of your partner through divorce or death, make sure they also get the support and counselling they need. This may seem insurmountable right now, but time does help you cope better and getting assistance during the adjustment period will go a long way to making it a little easier on you.