Point me in the right direction
Written by Sheree Hoddinett
I like to think I know what I’m doing as a mum; the rest of my life not so much. In all honesty, I’m probably winging it more than anything. Guessing, trying, failing miserably all the time. That’s pretty much the fun of it, day in, day out. I often wonder what goes through their little minds. Do they think mummy is crazy? Or maybe I make absolutely no sense and that’s why they “pretend” they don’t hear me. Or maybe, just maybe, they have a little bit more of mummy’s fierce determination and strength…or craziness…than I realise. Fun times ahead for me, I’d say.
Sometimes I think I might say no a bit too much. But when your nerves are frazzled and your children are in demon/feral mode, sometimes it’s the only word that comes into your head. Beats a few stronger words that would need bleeping to cover them if we were to say them out loud right now. I swear, every day can feel like riding an emotional rollercoaster. If we’re teary, everything sets them off. More so Miss Izzie than her younger sister. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to let them cry because let’s face it, everyone needs a good cry from time to time. But when there’s tears because it’s raining or tears because mummy didn’t make what she wanted for lunch (I made what she asked for!), it makes me almost feel like giving up.
It’s hard with kids too. They’re grappling with emotions they don’t quite understand and we get frustrated trying to make sense of what’s going on. Hell, half the time I don’t know what’s going on with myself. How do I explain it to a four-year-old or her two-year-old sister?! I am making a concerted effort to get down more to their level. It’s not so great on my knees mind you, but I’m trying. Quite often the girls have to help mummy back up again, but I’m just preparing them for their future, haha!
Silliness is rife, particularly in Miss Izzie. Must be something about nearing the age of five. Speaking of my big girl, as we get even closer to the end of the year, she is fast approaching her next biggest milestone, starting school. She’s growing up so fast and it blows me away with some of the things she comes up with. I often worry that she feels the weight of the world on her shoulders, especially being an older sibling. However, when I watch her with the other kids and how easily she seems to make friends, I know she’s got a bright future ahead of her. Well I keep hoping because positive thinking, right?!
Their imaginations constantly astound me though. The games they create and concepts they come up with is mindblowing. I try to think of what my brother and I used to get up to when we were younger but we quite often were playing with cars, trucks, bikes, Lego, more “boy” things. Occasionally, I’d catch him with my dolls (don’t deny it bro, haha!) but more often than not he was trying to cut their hair or something else disastrous. With two girls, they play more in the fantasy world of dolls, pretend families, tea parties and with a bit of Lego, cars and bikes thrown in. I’m all about letting them go with the flow and play however they want, as long as they don’t destroy anything or anyone in the process!
I still notice the big differences between my two girls. They are two very different personalities and I love watching some of the things they come up with, both together and as individuals. The days I cherish more and more are the ones I get to spend with Miss Phoebe (my baby) on her own. Don’t get me wrong, I do miss her sister, but they’re different on their own. Miss Izzie had mummy all to herself for two years before her sister came along and in typical mum guilt fashion, I worry now that they both don’t get the one-on-one time with me I wish they could have.
I know I shouldn’t beat myself up about it, but that’s the thing about mum guilt. It doesn’t discriminate and it has the worst timing unfortunately. But I try to keep telling myself we’ll get through it all somehow. That’s how I view most days really! And as mums/parents/carers/guardians, we’re all in it together, one crazy ride after another.
Keep up with all the fun, frivolity and a few tears (and laughs too) with my latest blogs at http://shereekim.com.