POSITIVE PARENTING FOR TODDLERS

Written By Caroline Meyer

That day arrives when you realise that your baby has become a little person with a mind of their own. They are walking (perhaps not all that well, but up on two legs most of the time), they are talking (well they can say no and a few other less annoying words) and they seem to have become little rebels without a cause overnight.  Things just got a whole lot more complicated. Up to this point, we were focusing on feeding, cleaning and putting them to bed. Now we have to help them develop emotionally, socially as well as physically. This is the start of some major parenting challenges. How you get through this phase will determine how they handle their emotions and learn to accept the appropriate behaviours dictated by polite society. 

Children have to be taught methods of dealing with their emotions in a healthy way. This includes being able to voice how they feel and having their feelings validated.  Little ones will also react better during this phase if they feel like they have some control.  Listen to your child and allow them the option to make decisions whenever it is practical. Allow them to experience what competence feels like. Praise them for exhibiting appropriate behaviour. Let them do things for themselves. Be patient and be available if they need assistance, but when it is possible, let them try. Don’t interfere unless it becomes necessary. Offer encouragement and praise for trying. Let them take on challenges to build their confidence. You can always be there for support and assistance if they need it, but let them start being independent in an age appropriate way. Each success boosts their confidence and sets them up for success with the next obstacle that comes along.  

Don’t treat learning as a series of tests. Instead of asking them to identify things off cards or in a book, where there is a chance of failure, instead teach them by pointing things out in everyday life or simply reading them the book.  Let them discover things on their own and answer the many, many questions that will come. This is how they learn. Join in when they get excited about their achievements but don’t make a performance of it so that they feel evaluated. Comment on what they did successfully. Be excited with them when they discover something or achieve something on their own. Give encouragement when they attempt things and praise the effort put into it, not the results. There is no need to evaluate what they have done or make them feel that they need someone to validate what they do for it to be worthwhile. Encourage them to keep practising and trying without harping back on something they have previously achieved or not achieved. Yes, toddlers will make mistakes, plenty mistakes. Encourage them not to give up and to try again. Teach them how to fix mistakes or clean up after one, but never to stop trying just because something didn’t turn out right the first time. 

Teach little ones to stay calm and work through challenges by encouraging themselves. This will help them self-motivate and enable them to try again and again without getting frustrated or giving up. Help them makes their internal talk positive. Set a good example by avoiding negative language when you talk to your child but also when you talk about yourself. Instead of calling yourself stupid or otherwise berating yourself for something, turn it in to a positive experience that your child can emulate. Talking positively to yourself will help your child do the same. 

Teach your child to handle frustration. Some frustration is necessary and a challenge to be overcome. Too much frustration becomes a cycle of failure and quitting. As they get older kids learn to handle more and more frustration and can attempt ever more difficult challenges. Don’t set your child up for failure by creating excessively frustrating tasks and if you see they are becoming frustrated, suggest they try again later instead of forcing them to continue trying. Continually pushing them into negative situations such as this will make them feel less secure and very unhappy. You can also offer to step in and help. You don’t have to do it for them, but you can help make the challenge a little easier this time around. Let them know that you understand how they feel and offer them your support. 

Let them make a difference in their own world. Small things such as turning on the lights or turning off the cold tap can have a big impact on them. They will learn there are things they cannot influence, but that most of the times, their parents can’t either. They will learn that there are limits to their power but allow them the chance to feel capable by doing things that do change the world around them. 

Encourage your child to be responsible. They must learn to clean up their messes. You can help at the start, but as they get older, they can do more and more for themselves. Don’t yell or complain about the level of cleanliness to start with instead encourage and praise while showing them the better way to do it. This will most likely be something you have to encourage until your child one day flies the nest in differing degrees. Start early and it will make it a little simpler for you in the long run while teaching your children responsibility. 

Let them help. When they are toddlers they can’t do chores on their own, but you can encourage them to help you when you are doing things in the home. Let them push the vacuum cleaner or help you fold shirts. Let them help you make the bed. They most likely won’t be very effective to start with but they will enjoy contributing. Praise for a job well done (or for trying hard). Eventually they will be able to do their chores on their own. Letting them help will require a lot of patience from you as the job will most likely take a lot longer, but it is worth it for the lessons learned. This is also a good bonding experience. 

Structure and routine is crucial for small children. This will help them develop good habits such as grooming and hygiene and mastering basic life skills. Knowing what comes next allows for a feeling of security and removes a lot of potential frustration.  Treat your child with love and respect and you can’t go wrong.  Get them to show the same kind of love and respect for others and your toddler will grow into a fine human being.