PRESSURE AND PERFECTION - My child magazine

Written by: Sheree Hoddinett

Why is there so much pressure placed on mums to have everything perfect?! You might shrug and awkwardly laugh it off but it’s serious business out there. Without even realising (well, most of them anyway) mums are silently competing against each other and for what? There’s no gold medal at the end of this race. Although in a way it never really ends. It’s like the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friend. And now that you have that stuck in your head (don’t worry so do I!) I’ll get on with it. Now where was I? Some days I’m brilliant and always on track, other days I may as well stay in bed, or at least hidden from the rest of the world, for more reasons than one, haha! I swear I can walk the length of the house to talk to someone about something and forget by the time I get there, having kids has fried my brain! Anyway back to the “perfection” of being a mum.

I’m not a perfect mum, not even close. I wouldn’t even use the word perfect anywhere near describing me, but you get the point. My kids eat chocolate and other junk food (but yes they do eat healthy stuff too!). I yell at them and yes I have both sworn in front of them and at them…shock horror..I must be a terrible mum <insert dramatic eye roll here>! I used to care too much about what other people thought of me as a mother. I have no idea why because the only people who should care about that is my two beautiful girls. They probably don’t even give a hoot anyway, they just want Mummy!

But it begs the question, why is there this invisible pressure? Who started it in the first place? And I say invisible because you don’t even realise you’re doing it to yourself until you come out the other side. Being a mum (or dad, or both parents at once) is a tough gig on its own, let alone throwing anything extra into the mix. But there’s so much that people pass judgement on: what you feed your kids; what you dress them in; how you relieve teething pain; where they go to daycare or school; how you discipline; even at what age they start to crawl, walk and move around and finally whether they are a good sleeper or not.

When you’re an adult no one asks whether you were bottle-fed or breast-fed; when you stopped wearing a nappy; if you ate all your fruit and vegetables or if you slept in your own bed or shared with your parents. So, why does everyone have an opinion on these things when you’re raising your children? Because everyone becomes an “expert” and I use that term very loosely. Hey I’ll happily admit I’ve had my moments of passing judgment, we all do, but there’s some things that we just need to let go.

That being said, I’ve put a bit of thought into it and here is some things you really shouldn’t have to worry about as a mum (or dad too if you want to be recognised!):

Anyone else’s opinion: this pretty much covers everything really!
How you raise your children: as long as they are safe, happy and growing, just keep doing what you’re doing!
How you treat them for being naughty: a smack never hurt anyone (speaking from experience) if that’s what you prefer but definitely each to their own on this one!
When you have a newborn baby try to just enjoy everything because it won’t last forever: forget about whether your house is clean, deep down no one really cares!
Advice from well-meaning family members/visitors/friends: by all means if the advice is useful and applies to you and your situation, go for it otherwise just simply ignore it because otherwise you’ll just worry!
What they eat – well to a point you kind of have to care but don’t let it rule your life.
If they play in the dirt/mud – let them get dirty, they are kids after all, plus it’ll help build their immune system!
If you don’t like your kids at times: you will always love them, there’s no doubt about that! But if they are driving you up the wall, you can dislike them for a bit, it doesn’t make you a terrible parent!

Of course this is all just my thoughts and a few observations thrown in, I’m no expert, always do what works for you first and foremost, which is parent your way! Parenting isn’t easy and I’ll be happy just to survive and come out the other side! You can read more of my “interesting” bits and pieces over at my blog www.shereekim.com. Just remember, you’re not in this alone. Until next time….xx