QUESTIONS YOU CAN’T AVOID

Written by Caroline Meyer

You can avoid the questions in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy by not telling too many people about it until you start to show. While it is very exciting and you may be wanting to tell everyone immediately when you first get confirmation, you might want to reconsider how many people you tell to avoid the questions you are sure to be asked again and again. This can become tedious very quickly. 

One of the many questions you will be asked on a continuous basis is when you are due. A due date is just an estimate and only 3% of babies actually arrived on their predicted due date. So why this question is still being asked obsessively is anyone’s guess. You may be tempted to give a due month and leave it at that. It’s guaranteed you are still going to be asked this question numerous times during your pregnancy. 

While gender reveal parties have been all the rage for a while now, not everyone actually wants to know before giving birth. Be prepared to face the question of “Do you know what it is?” many, many times from people speculating the gender of your unborn child. Resist the temptation to answer “puppies” or “a baby” even though you may struggle to fight the urge to be sarcastic. It’s fine to say that you want to wait to find out and have the gender be a happy surprise. 

Prepare your lists in advance and be prepared to stick to your guns when it comes to baby names. You are going to be asked many times before your baby joins the world what their name is likely to be. It doesn’t really matter what name you have chosen; someone is not going to like it or is going to tell a horror story of someone they know that had that name. Sometimes your safest bet is to say that you haven’t decided on one yet and reveal the name after the birth certificate has been signed. That way no one can try to persuade you to name your sweet baby after that long-lost aunt that no one really liked in the first place. 

It does not matter how long you and your partner have been together or what your circumstances are, someone is going to ask if the pregnancy was planned. This is an extremely personal question and yet even strangers might ask you the question. You don’t have to give in to their curiosity. You don’t need to reveal your sex life or family planning to anyone you. This is an awkward and discomforting question and you can choose to ignore it. 

One of the even more personal things that you can get asked during your pregnancy is whether or not someone can touch the bump. While it may be considered good luck, you may not always want someone’s grubby hands stroking your belly. Some will even try and do it without asking first, which is an invasion of private space and to be honest rather creepy. It is your body, your belly and your consent is needed for it to be touched. It is perfectly acceptable to say no or to tell people that touch you without your consent that it is not okay. 

Before your baby arrives, you will already start getting people asking about your future career prospects and plans. You haven’t even gone on maternity leave yet and people will be asking when you are planning on going back to work and who will take care of the baby. Rest assured, while you may already have started thinking about it, you don’t have to make these decisions as yet. Plans may also change in the future. If you want to share your plans, that’s okay too, but don’t feel obligated to lay out your plans for the next 18 years to anyone that asks. 

You might not have even thought about a parenting style yet or whether you are going to breastfeed or bottle feed your babies. You are still going to have someone tell you that you are doing it all wrong. You can do all the research you want and make all the plans you want; someone will tell you they know better. To be honest, many of the plans you make before having your little one will most likely change when your little one arrives, but that is just fine too. You don’t have to respond to questions or even take advice when it comes to raising your baby unless they are from a medical professional. 

Do you think you should do, eat, try be doing… that? You are going to get this over and over again during your pregnancy. Your exercise regime, your diet, even your fashion sense seems to be open for discussion when you are carrying a baby. It seems people think you have gone from being a person to being a walking incubator. If your doctor says it is okay and you feel comfortable doing it, go right ahead. Let the busybodies shake their heads. 

Do you feel okay? Probably not. People will ask about your health a lot when you are pregnant, but rest assured, they are not really wanting to know how many times you threw up from the morning sickness or how often you walked back to the bathroom just two minutes after leaving it. Maybe some of them do to put themselves off the process, but most just want to hear how happy and glowing you are, just all the time! Know that it is okay to feel uncomfortable and if someone did not want to know about your haemorrhoids, they shouldn’t have asked. Reveal as much or as little as you want to. It is your body after all.  

One of the most annoying but also frequently asked questions is if you are ready for the baby. This is one that can strike fear and panic, especially into new mums. What does being all ready mean? You may have all the clothes and accessories ready, but is that enough? Planning for baby and getting ready for the new arrival can be overwhelming. Don’t let it get to you. Prepare as best you can and sort the rest out as you go along. You will never be “all ready” but that’s just fine too. 

These are just a few of the many questions you will be asked for the 40 weeks you are expecting, but it won’t end there either. Without being rude, you can learn to deflect the questions or simply say you are not comfortable answering them. You do not have to reveal private or even intimate information to random strangers suddenly just because you are carrying a new life inside you. You choose how much you want to say and who you want to say it to. Enjoy your pregnancy your way.