REDISCOVERING EACH OTHER AFTER HAVING KIDS

Written by Lucy Hall

You might find yourselves missing the days when the connection between you was the centre of your world, before the whirlwind of parenting swept you off your feet. Becoming parents is one of life’s most fulfilling experiences, but let’s face it, the journey also comes with its fair share of ups and downs. Between all the nappy changes, the sleepless nights and the ever ending list of things to do, your relationship can feel like it’s on the back burner.

Rekindling passion after having kids isn’t just about keeping the romance alive, it’s about nurturing the bond that made you strong in the first place. So how can you rediscover each other once you’ve entered the beautiful, yet exhausting phase of parenthood?

Acknowledge the Shift
The first step to rekindling passion is to acknowledge that your relationship has changed, and that’s okay. You’ve both grown as individuals and as parents. Life after kids isn’t supposed to look the same as it did before and that doesn’t mean it’s any less meaningful. Giving yourself the time and understanding that this new version of your relationship can be just as fulfilling.

Recognising that intimacy now might come in different forms, having a quiet cup of coffee together before the kids wake up or sharing a quick laugh over something only the two of you understand. Embracing those small fleeting moments of connection as new ways to be intimate is a good place to start.

Make Time for Each Other
We’ve all heard it before: “Make time for each other.” But between school pick-ups, work schedules and a thousand other things, it can feel impossible. Setting aside time daily, even if it’s only ten to fifteen minutes, is a fantastic place to start and can improve your connection.

Date nights don’t have to be elaborate or expensive. Even if it’s a walk around the neighbourhood or watching a favourite TV show together, making that time just for the two of you is key. More than the event itself, it’s about re-establishing a pattern where the two of you are intentional about being together. Putting each other on your calendar may feel unnatural at first, but it reinforces the importance of your relationship.

Communicate Openly (and Honestly)
When you’re deep in the chaos of parenthood, it’s easy to let communication slip into the realm of logistics, who’s picking up the kids, what’s for dinner, when’s the next paediatrician appointment. But to keep the emotional intimacy alive, you need to have conversations that go beyond the day to day grind.

Set aside time to talk about each other, your feelings, your dreams and even your frustrations. Keep the lines of communication open, even when you’re tired or stressed. A simple “How are you, really?” can sometimes be all that is needed to spark that much needed deeper connection. Make sure that you are communicating your needs and really listening to your partner when they are communicating their needs with you.

Rediscover Touch
Finding ways to incorporate touch into your daily routine can go a long way in keeping the connection alive. Physical intimacy can take a hit after kids come into the picture and it’s completely normal for the frequency and type of affection to change.

Physical affection is a reminder of the love and connection you share as a couple, even when things feel hectic. Intimacy doesn’t always have to lead to sex, it’s about reaffirming your bond and showing each other that you’re still in this together. Small affectionate touches like holding hands, a kiss on the forehead, a lingering hug, these forms of touch can spark that physical closeness you had pre kids.

5. Prioritise Self Care
   It’s hard to be present for someone else when you’re running on empty. Self care often gets pushed to the side when you become a parent, but it’s essential for keeping your relationship strong. When you take time to recharge and look after yourself, you bring your best self to your partnership.

Encourage each other to take breaks, pursue hobbies or just have some quiet time to unwind. It’s easier to rekindle passion when both partners are feeling balanced and cared for. By supporting each other’s need for self care, you strengthen your ability to show up as a partner and a parent.

Rekindle the Fun
Remember when your relationship was full of laughter and spontaneity? Rebuilding the fun can be done by playful banter, sharing an inside joke or organising a spontaneous outing. Parenting can make life seem like a never ending list of things to do, but finding joy again can revitalise your relationship.

Letting go of the seriousness and simply enjoying each other’s company might sometimes be the best way to feel connected. Finding ways to have fun together, such as preparing a meal, taking up a new activity, or simply playing with the kids, can help restore that sense of partnership, even though it might not be the same as your pre-kids adventures.

Practice Gratitude
It’s easy to focus on what isn’t working in your relationship when parenting. Taking the time to show your gratitude for your partner and what they add to your life can shift the dynamic. Make it a habit of recognising the little things, like their sense of humour or how they handled a difficult bedtime.

By focusing on the positives, it will allow you to promote love and gratitude, which will deepen your connection. A refreshed sense of intimacy naturally results from feeling valued.

Rekindling passion after having kids doesn’t mean trying to recreate the past. It’s about embracing the new dynamic and finding ways to connect. With intentional effort, open communication and a sprinkle of fun, you can reignite the spark and strengthen the bond that brought you together in the first place.