RELATIONSHIP ISSUES YOU’LL FACE AFTER HAVING A BABY AND HOW TO SOLVE THEM
Written by Liza John
Perhaps all the parenting books or the cute family of influencers failed to warn you about the tremendous changes that were going to happen to your relationship after a baby. When your twosome suddenly has a new life to care for, things can get strained and test your relationship. From sleep deprivation to financial issues, it may seem like there are a million things on your plate. Families that have to deal with postpartum depression find this transition into parenthood even rockier. A major portion of conflicts arises due to tiredness, hormonal differences, and lack of communication. Here are five of the most common relationship issues after having a baby and how to resolve them.
Chores Multiply And So Does Bickering
Unlike your expectations, life may not be all smooth after your baby arrives. Caring for an infant means all your time and energy is directed that way, this leaves little time for doing the laundry or washing the dishes. At the same time, not doing the chores will only add to your frustration.
While you are trying to complete household tasks without procrastinating, you may feel like your partner is not following up with their share of the tasks. This can cause resentment towards each other, resulting in full-blown shouting matches. Get ahead of this problem by equally dividing the tasks and assigning them alternatively each time. Post such a list on the refrigerator or make lists on your phones to keep yourself on track.
After giving birth, what was essentially the time the couple spent socializing or indulging in hobbies has now become baby time. No one said parenting was a cakewalk but the sudden transition from having a social life to being in a closed space with only a baby for company can get the best of many. A lack of alone time can cause new parents to feel stretched thin and resentful about their partner who has fewer responsibilities with the child. Some of them may start withdrawing from the partners or even have unstable moods during this period.
The only way to resolve this is by asking for help. If you feel like you need to rest and recharge on your own, hand off the baby to your partner before taking a much-needed warm bath. Hiring a babysitter or asking a grandparent to watch the baby while the new parents unwind is another trick worth trying.
Having a baby is expensive, there is no doubt about that. Going from having to meet the needs of only two adults to meet the needs of three where one needs diapers, formula, and regular check-ups can put a strain on the wallet. Especially when the two-income family has to function on a single income but with added expenses, new parents get stressed and become quick to anger.
Most parents who have more than one child have the answer to this problem — hand-me-downs. If your close family or friends are giving you their kid’s old baby clothes or crib, never hesitate to accept them. Look for garage sales or second-hand stores that sell changing tables or bassinets at cheaper rates. Inquire with your insurance company if they can help with your medical bills. Small changes here and there matter a lot when it comes to financial issues.
The couple who had weekly date nights and regular weekend getaways now find themselves too tired to have sex. Couples who stop engaging in sex during the pregnancy tend to not get intimate again for a while after the baby arrives. Also, complications or restrictions while expecting, a difficult pregnancy, and the bodily changes caused by labor can make females less interested in sex for a while. Their partners may see the physical rejection and feel replaced by the baby.
The key to resolving this issue is understanding each other’s problems. While one of them feels too tired to have sex, the other might feel insecure about their body and the effect pregnancy had on it. Scheduling date nights after hiring a babysitter or engaging in acts of non-sexual intimacy like hand-holding and cuddling can make things better.
Differing Opinions In Parenting Styles
No matter how many discussions on parenting philosophies the couple had before the baby, with incessant wailing at midnight, it may not hold. One parent may want to sleep train the baby while the other might want to try co-sleeping. When the couple has differing opinions on how to bring up the baby, they may feel undermined by their partner.
Open conversations and coming to a consensus on how to care for the infant is the only way to go ahead. Ask expert advice and consult other parents on topics that you cannot agree with.
As you approached your delivery date, baby-proofing your living space, as soon as possible, would have been one of your top priorities. Similarly, it is important to baby-proof your relationships as well. When the downtime runs low and responsibilities pile up, emotions tend to run high and cause trouble. Remember to communicate well after the baby arrives, checking in with each other regularly. Also, apologize if you feel you have overstepped and enjoy having a tiny bundle of joy instead of sniping at each other.