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Written by Caroline Meyer

Every relationship will have its trials and tribulations. There are ups and downs which you have to face as a couple. Getting to grips with your problems as a couple will often help resolve them and even make your relationship stronger.  There are some problems that may spell the end of a relationship, where there is not much that can be done without a huge change in the dynamic. While couples may be able to work through some really trying situations together, there are some things that may not be able to be fixed.  


Running your partner down and flinging stones at your partner, sarcasm, blame and contempt will break down the foundations of your relationship. The fighting and back-biting would need to stop and both partners come to the table without blame and finger pointing if there is to be any chance or rescuing the relationship. Breaking each other down is one of the top indicators of a likely separation. If both partners are not prepared to compromise and stop the war, there is no chance of rescuing the relationship.  


You are two people with their own opinions and you will not always disagree. This can be on small things such as where to squeeze the toothpaste, to serious situations that may shock either or both of you. Being prepared to agree to disagree is the best way to handle these deviations in opinion for the most part. When one partner or both partners look for reasons to argue, when they provoke each other or wilfully refuse to forgive each or let go of small disagreements, this spells the beginning of the end. This is often accompanied by a refusal to talk about the problems while holding grudges, which leads to a complete breakdown of the relationship.  


For some relationships, an infidelity may not spell the end of it. If there is honesty and open discussion and a commitment to not cheat again in the future, there may be a way to save the relationship. Chronic cheating with dishonesty and constant injury to the other spouse is sure to drive a wedge between the two people in the committed relationship. Some people may still try for some time to try and fix their relationship, but the breakdown of the relationship is often inevitable. Constant cheating will usually lead to a bitter end.  


If one partner is sneaky and secretive about their movements, their mobile phone calls and messages and social media, there may be a serious problem in the relationship. Privacy is something else altogether and everyone has the right to some privacy. Being secretive in order to sneak around behind the other partner’s back to spend time with other people or in pursuits that exclude the other partner will eventually lead to a breakdown of the partnership. Being secretive can make the other partner feel isolated, abandoned and even feel distrusted by their partner. There needs to be openness and honesty in a relationship for it to work. Hiding things from your partner will lead cause negative feelings and may escalate arguments and emotional pain.   


Being incompatible in the bedroom can be a major rift in a relationship. Having vastly different sex drives can be a major problem. Small differences where 1 partner has a high sex drive and one has a medium drive or one has a medium drive and the other has a low drive is usually not too much of a problem and compromises can be reached. The problem comes in where one person has a very high drive and the other partner has a very low drive or no drive at all.  For most people a mutually enjoyable sex drive is a very important component of a long-term relationship. A lack of sexual fulfilment can lead to one partner seeking satisfaction elsewhere or losing interest in the other partner.  This can also be applied to emotional intimacy. If you want to be close and share everything with your partner but he or she is dismissive and cuts you out, it may be impossible to be completely fulfilled in the relationship. There needs to be a balance of physical and emotional intimacy that satisfies both partners for a relationship to work long term.  


Your partner should be more than just a lover; they should also be your best friend and the person that you can open up to about everything without judgement. Keeping everything bottled up may lead to an eventual explosion and the dissolution of the relationship. You need to be able to express your feelings as well as talk to your partner about everything, the important stuff as well as the inconsequential. If you are unhappy in the relationship, you should be able to talk to your partner about it and come to a resolution through open communication. A breakdown in communication will quickly lead to a complete breakdown of the whole relationship.  

While there may be a little hope for fixing relationships with these kinds of issues, by the time they get to this point, it may already be too late. Talk to your partner openly and honestly and most issues can be resolved before they get out of hand.   

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