School Refusal

January 14, 2016 /

What Is School Refusal?

School refusal is when a child gets extremely upset at the idea of going to school, or often misses some or all of the school day, and this distress doesn’t go away.

School refusal can mean that children have trouble going to school – or that they don’t go to school at all. Children who refuse to go to school usually spend the day at home with their parents’ knowledge, even though their parents try really hard to get them to go.

It might start gradually, as parents find it harder and harder to get their child to go to school. Or refusal might happen suddenly, such as at the start of school term or after a physical illness.

School refusal is not a formal psychiatric diagnosis. It’s a name for an emotional and/or behaviour problem. School refusal is different from truancy or ‘wagging’. Children who ‘wag’ usually aren’t interested in school, don’t like authority or have behaviour problems such as oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). Often their parents don’t know they aren’t at school.

Signs and Symptoms of School Refusal

If your child refuses to go to school, you might feel that school mornings are a ‘battle of wills’. Your child might:

  • have crying episodes
  • throw tantrums
  • hide under the bed covers
  • refuse to move
  • beg or plead not to go
  • complain of aches, pains and illness before school, which generally get better if you let your child stay at home
  • show high levels of anxiety

Causes of School Refusal

There’s rarely a single cause of school refusal. It might be linked to separation anxiety, a phobia, depression, learning difficulties or social problems at school.

It can happen at the same time as or after:

  • stressful events at home, school or with peers
  • family and peer conflict
  • academic problems – for example, learning difficulties
  • starting or changing schools
  • moving home
  • bullying or teasing
  • problems with a teacher

Working On School Refusal

If your child is anxious about school, refusing to go eases her anxiety for a little while because she doesn’t have to face the situation she’s afraid of. But if your child keeps avoiding school, it’s likely to make his anxiety about school worse. He’s also likely to fall behind with schoolwork and feel socially isolated. This can make it harder and harder to go back to school. This is why it’s important for your child to get back to school as soon as possible.

There are some practical things you can do at home to encourage your child to go to school.

When You’re Talking to Your Child

  • Acknowledge your child’s anxiety about going to school so that she feels heard and understood. For example, ‘It’s OK to feel worried about going to school’.
  • Let your child know that you understand it’s hard for him to go to school when he feels worried or frightened. For example, ‘I can see you’re worried about going to school. I know it’s hard, but you need to go. Your teacher and I will help you .’
  • Talk about what needs to happen to help your child attend and feel safe and comfortable at school – not about whether she goes to school.
  • Show that you believe your child can go to school by saying positive and encouraging things. For example, ‘You’re showing how brave you are by going to school’. This will build your child’s self-confidence.
  • Use clear, calm statements to let your child know that you expect him to go to school. Say ‘when’ rather than ‘if’. For example, you can say, ‘When you’re at school tomorrow …’ instead of ‘If you make it to school tomorrow …’.
  • Use direct statements such as ‘It’s time to get out of bed’ or ‘Jo, please get up and get into the shower’. Avoid questions such as ‘Are you going today?’ and ‘Could you get into the shower now?’ These give your child the chance to say ‘No!’
  • Help your child stick to a reasonable sleep and wake cycle. It’s very hard to help your child get to school if she’s sleeping during the day and awake at night.

Getting to School

  • Get someone else to drop your child at school. Children often cope better with separation at home rather than at the school gate.
  • When your child goes to school, praise him by describing what he might be feeling. You could say , ‘I know this is very hard and I am proud of you for trying hard’.
  • Reward your child for going to school. This could be some special time with Mum or Dad, or stopping on the way home for an ice-cream or hot chocolate. The reward should be on the same day.