THE ART OF DEALING WITH UNWANTED PARENTING ADVICE! TIPS TO MANAGE YOUR SANITY

Written by Lucy Hall

From the time you announce that you are pregnant, to the time your little one has arrived earthside, you are going to go through changes physically and hormonally, that you didn’t even know existed.  

When you take the leap into the great unknown world that is parenting, just like the changes you go through that you didn’t know existed, you are going to get a lot of unwanted advice!  Unfortunately for most parents it is just a fact and a part of the journey. 

But how to handle this unwanted advice can be harder than you expect! There are many things to consider and different ways to handle dealing with unwanted parenting advice, it’s an art that you’ll need to learn. The well meaning advice will undoubtedly come from not just your family and friends, but even strangers who feel the need to share some insights that they have experienced on their own parenting journey.

So what’s the best way to handle all of this unwanted advice and do it without causing a scene? Here are some tips to help you cope:

Listen, But Do You!

Easier said than done, but helpful to your sanity. Advice is normally offered to you during this phase with good intentions, the people offering it are usually wanting to help you avoid the complications that parenting comes with. Listen to the advice being given, take on board the things that resonate with you and let the rest go. Thank the person for their advice and move on to another subject! 

Boundaries Can Help

You may have certain people in your life that are constantly giving you unwanted advice. If this happens, it may be helpful to set some boundaries, remembering to do this in a respectful manner is beneficial in maintaining those relationships. Saying something like, “that’s great advice, thanks for that, but we’ve decided to do it this way” can help you in establishing those boundaries.

Parenting Knowledge Is Power

Having knowledge of the different parenting styles, techniques, health and child development guidelines, will allow you to be more confident in the decisions you’re making and know that you’re on the right path. 

Build Your Support Network

Surrounding yourself with family and friends that respect your parenting style and decisions makes a big difference. You can also join parenting groups with like minded parents that can  offer your support and reassurance that you’ve got this.

Speak With Your Partner

With the advice coming in left, right and centre, it’s helpful to communicate with your partner.  You can discuss the advice you’ve received and decide if any of it is worth considering. Being united in how you’re going parent not only strengthens your relationship, it will allow you to have a consistent approach which will benefit your child.

Humour Can Defuse The Tension

A sense of humour can defuse the tensions that make an appearance when you receive unwanted advice.  Saying something along the lines of “ Thanks for the advice, we’ll add it to the collection” can be an effective way to let the person know that you hear what they are saying without committing to doing it!

Getting Professional Help

You will experience conflicting advice at times and it can be overwhelming and confusing. If you find yourself questioning what to do, seek advice from a professional in the area that has the right skills to help guide you in the direction you need.

Reflect on Advice Later

Evaluating unwanted advice can be challenging in the moment. Once you are calm and ready you can reflect on the advice given and then decide if it has merit or if you can dismiss it.

Empathise With Advice Givers

Advice givers are usually coming from a good place and want to help you in your journey. By empathising with their intentions, you can remain patient and polite when you’re receiving their unwanted advice.

Choose Gratitude

Appreciating how lucky you are to have people in your life that want to help and guide you in your journey can help you block out the negatives and focus on the positives as well as remind you that you are not alone in this journey. Choosing gratitude and changing your perspective is another helpful way to deal with unwanted advice.

The Mantra Approach

Having a few mantras in your back pocket can help you. Saying “We are doing what works  best for our family” or “every child is different and we’re doing what’s best for them” are a polite and firm way to close a conversation.

While most unwanted advice is not intended to be hurtful, it may from time to time cause you to feel stressed, but try to remember that it’s coming from a good place. Arm yourself with knowledge so that you are secure in your decisions, the upside, you may find that you are less likely to be bombarded with unwanted advice. Trusting in yourself and your parenting comes with experience. At the end of the day, you and everyone else around you just wants what’s best for you and your baby.