
THE COLD, HARD TRUTH…OR IS IT?!
Written by Sheree Hoddinett
I don’t know how I do it. I just do. Do what, you ask? Live. Be a mum. Get work done. Try to have somewhat of a relationship with my partner. And somehow stay on top of everything, like housework, groceries and all the other mundane aspects of life we have to do. So, how do I do it? I’m not really sure some days, well most days, but I just do it because I have to. And you know what, I don’t go out to a full time job either. Nope, I have the “fun” of working from home. So, hats off to you ladies (and full time dads too, we can’t forget them) who manage to pull off the complete package, a full time job and full time parenting! No matter which heading you come under, you’re doing well (especially if the kids are still on the go, haha!).
I am realistic and I know we can’t have it all. But, as always, expectations often surpass reality. Whenever I need a reality check, my girls are pretty quick to bring me back down to earth. “Mummy I’m finished” (on the toilet that is, so my bottom-wiping services are required) or someone has thrown up, spilt food or drink everywhere, you know all the “fun” stuff kids literally throw your way. Essentially, we are their full-time slaves for at least the first five or six years, in varying degrees of course, as they learn and forge their own path in the world.
It’s a catch-22 really. You want them to learn and do things for themselves, but a small teeny tiny part (okay, so it might be a bit bigger than I let on) of you worries about the day they won’t need you anymore. Although, I still need my mum now, but it’s different. She’s my shopping partner in crime, when we can find the time! But she’s just there when I need her. As a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on or just for some company; I know I’d be lost without her. I hope I can have the same relationship with my beautiful girls in the coming years. Although, I do worry about the two-to-one ratio, seeing as they fight over me enough now!
The sooner we realise we can’t have it all, the sooner we realise there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Haha, who I am kidding?! We don’t live in a perfect world and we mums – parents in general really – will continue to impose unrealistic expectations on ourselves for many generations and years to come. Why do we it ourselves? We live in a world where there’s this “ideal” way things should look. We all acknowledge it and try to conform in varying amounts because we feel like failures if we don’t. Well, maybe not everyone but I’ve certainly felt my fair of judgement for not conforming to what is deemed the “way it should be”.
I’m very much an individual, I’ve usually always done things my way (just ask my family, haha). But I certainly felt and still do feel a huge amount of pressure as a mum to do things a certain way because that’s just how it is. I can’t explain exactly what it is, but it certainly had a huge impact on my depression and anxiety. There is no right or wrong way to do a lot of things when it comes to parenting but we will continue to judge ourselves and others for who knows how long to come. Maybe one day we’ll move past the barriers but until then, chocolate and wine will still be my very good friends, but only in small doses of course!
If you’re up for some more reading, feel free to drop by my website sometime www.shereekim.com. You might get a laugh or just commiserate along with me, haha!
On that note, after yet another crazy year has passed by in what feels very much like a blurry whirlwind, I’d like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. However you choose to spend it, enjoy it as much as you can and maybe throw in a sneaky glass of something special too, I might just join you!
Until next time…