The Night Watch - My child magazine

Written by Kylie Kaden

‘You want me to get up? But I have work in the morning!’ These words are heard in bedrooms throughout the globe when a baby cries in the wee hours. While some relish every precious moment with a newborn (yes, even the ones at 3am) for others, months of broken sleep can feel like torture.

So, when both parents are exhausted, who should take responsibility when those midnight cries risk your sanity, and relationship?

Here’s five reasons why sharing the night shift is the best thing for both your relationship, and your baby.

SANITY.

Most humans don’t function well on four hours sleep per night for months on end; think grumpy, negative pain in the backside. Do you really want to live with that easily-frustrated, sleep-deprived zombie, and allow them to drive your child/ren around? Even if breastfeeding, attending to the baby all night every night shouldn’t automatically fall to the mum. To keep all members of the household sane, invest in a pump so both parents can do night feeds (one at a time, there is no need for both parents to lose sleep), and work out a roster (before the midnight cry) so both partners are at their best when they need to be.

SAFETY.

Often, the fact that women have breasts (and maternity leave) sees to women carrying the lions share in the initial months, and men supporting the family financially. It sounds fair – one job each, the only catch is, caring for babies is twenty-four hours a day with no weekends or sick pay. Sure, employees in the workforce generally request you stay awake (also pretty vital for surgeons, pilots and bus-drivers, for example) but so does the task of keeping an infant alive (and often, care for older siblings too). Choking, drowning, unattended stovetops – these hazards present fatal consequences to infants if they’re caregiver can’t stay awake to supervise them. (Even more dangerous: telling your wife you can’t help as you have to work is saying the work she does is less valuable and therefore, deserves less respect. Worth the consequences?)

If you want science on it: new findings in the Journal of Sleep Research (Feb, 2018) found staying up all night harms a woman’s working memory far more than a man’s, which can lead to judgement errors and thereby increased risk of accidents.

BONDING.

Babies are only little for a moment. Why not savor it? A weird kind of magic blankets the world in the wee hours. The house creaks. Time stops. There’s nowhere to rush to, and only your child to steal your attention. Only when you’ve taken an unsettled baby by the light of the clock radio and satiated their needs till they fall asleep, serene and content, can you feel that sense of satisfaction and purpose. A child will never look at you like a stranger if you’ve done the hard yards in the dark hours, and really gotten to know your child.

COUPLEDOM

You created the life together, why not share the hard stuff? Feeling unsupported leads to seething resentment. Seeing each other as equal partners and a source of support will do wonders for your relationship. Don’t count hours or keep note like it’s a contest. You are on the same team. Do what’s best to keep you both functioning. (warning: faking sleep when baby cries to force your other-half to act is a rookie mistake – we can tell – it’s all in the breathing). Becoming parents is hard – make sure your relationship doesn’t suffer for.

EMPATHY.

No one can truly understand how exhausting parenting 24/7 can be (or the joys it can bring) when the longest shift they’ve taken is a token afternoon. Unless you’ve put your own needs on hold, day in, day out, to take care of a child, it is hard to know what support to give, when a cup of tea or hug is required most (and the brownie points earned for helping more are far more likely to get you that leave-pass for a game of Golf or night out).

Caring for a new baby is a challenging, but also a joyous time. Communicate openly about your feelings regarding night feeds during the day when you have time and energy to discuss the best plan in a non-combative way. Does one of you relish night snuggles with your baby? Manage to be delightful on three hours sleep, or falls back to sleep a moment after the duties are done? Helping each other stay afloat in those often, grueling early months of sleep deprivation can help avoid the risk of physical and mental burnout.

Besides, appreciation is the best aphrodisiac.

By Kylie Kaden