Things That You Need To Discuss with Your Partner Before Having a Baby

Written by Jana Angeles

Having a baby is one of the biggest commitments you’ll ever undertake in your life. From the expenses, giving up particular leisure activities and cutting out hours of your social life, raising a little human will change your routine of how you live and most importantly, the priorities you have now that you have a growing family. There are some important things you need to discuss with your partner before having a baby. Depending on your readiness, you need to allow yourselves to be open with communication and listen to each other’s wants and needs.

By being flexible and honest, you’ll both be on track when your baby arrives. Of course, there needs to be a discussion on particular things before you start planning on having a baby. While some people will want to ‘jump the gun’, you might want to start having these important conversations now rather than later.

Finances

Babies take a lot of hard work and time when it comes to raising them and one of the biggest factors is the amount of financial stability you and your partner have. From formula feed to nappies to childcare, raising a baby isn’t cheap and if you both aren’t working full-time, you may want to consider saving first. Discuss with your partner how you will budget your finances from now on when you are trying to have a baby. Review all your expenses and cut out all your wants to a minimum. Save all you can until your baby arrives.

Timing sex or ‘whatever happens’ sex?

Most women want to plan on having a baby depending on their fertility cycle. Men on the other hand are quite relaxed and normally opt out for the ‘whatever happens’ type of sex. Of course, you and your partner will have some time disagreeing on how you will approach the method of having a baby. Meet each other halfway and see what options are best for you both. Planning ahead is always a good idea but sometimes the element of surprise can be exciting for parents-to-be. See where the road takes you!

Working through relationship issues

If you and your partner are having a rocky relationship over the past couple of months, it’s time to really consider whether both of you are ready to have a baby. It’s important to work through your issues before committing to parenthood because the last thing you want is for current issues to boil during and after the pregnancy. If both of you are willing to make it work, see a relationship counselor so you can patch things up. As with any type of commitment, working on yourselves comes first before committing to a baby. Try your best to not bottle up any issues and find ways to move past them.

Maternity and paternity policy within your workplace

Obviously when the baby arrives, you need to take time off work to take care of your little bub. Before thinking about getting pregnant, review your workplace’s maternity and paternity policy and work out when you want to take leave specifically. It’s also good to consider options like daycare when you and your partner are ready to go back to work. Be sure to review the day cares and remember to secure your spot early (recommended during pregnancy) so you don’t have to be added to the dreaded waiting list!

Chores

Chores are going to increase once you have a baby. With nappy changes, feeding time and bathing time, there’s less time to lounge around the couch and more work that needs to be done. Be sure to discuss with your partner how you will be sharing the load when it comes to chores. Alternate days when it comes to washing dishes and laundry and learn to be proactive when it comes to mess. The mess will only get worse once your baby begins to grow up!

Religion

Religion is a topic you must discuss with your partner especially if your religious views aren’t the same. Make sure you talk to each other and try and keep an open mind while hearing your different perspectives. Obviously being together despite differing religious views has helped you in the relationship but when it comes to a baby, it’s a unique situation. Will your baby be christened? Will they go to a public or religious school? Due to the sensitivity of the topic, we recommend that this topic is discussed first before any other subject matter!

Sacrifice of ‘me’ time

Having a baby means giving him/her your undivided attention, meaning there’s less ‘me’ time for the both of you. You and your partner should discuss options on how you will implement ‘me’ time during your hectic schedules. If you’re both introverts, we understand how important having some down time to yourself can be. Let a good friend or family member take care of your bub if you need some hours to yourself. But also remember the madness that comes with a baby never ends in the first few months. We hope you find ways to stay sane in the meantime!

Language

If you and your partner know a language or two, discuss what primary language you want to talk in while raising the baby. There are lots of benefits when it comes to raising bilingual children, especially when it comes to their brain development.

Time to move to a new place?

Although a tiny baby won’t take up much room at first, it’s time to consider whether or not you and your partner should move to a new home. Start thinking about the kind of environment you want to raise your child in. Do you want a backyard? Are you happy with an apartment setting? Are you planning on having more than one child? There are many questions to ask each other when it comes to having a baby. The last thing you want is to have a baby in a confined space where there’s no room to move. Be practical when it comes to space and work out the timing of when you want to move out.

Though the discussion topics above will take a lot of time and negotiation, communicating them early on will better you and your partner’s relationship. Whether you’re planning to be parents-to-be or wanting another child in your life, being honest and listening to each other’s wants and needs is important. Having a baby is an exciting journey for any parent so it doesn’t hurt to prepare for the unexpected when the situation arises. How you deal with the challenges with your partner will only strengthen your relationship, boosting each other’s confidence in raising the baby.