TOP TIPS TO MEET THE EMOTIONAL DEMANDS OF BECOMING A MUM

November 1, 2018 /

Written by Kylie Kaden 

You’ve painted the nursery and bought the pram – but can you prepare mentally for the trials to come?

Parenting is a tough gig. Even if you’ve never felt symptoms of depression or anxiety before, pregnancy and childbirth can increase the risk of these feelings. Becoming a parent is an emotional time, shrouded by high, often unrealistic expectations on how your new role will fit into your old life. It is a period of adjustment in your relationship, your work and social life as you adapt to meet your child’s needs.

Added to this, some women have strong feelings of guilt about what sort of mother they are, and may start feeling they aren’t living up to their ‘ideal’ or compare themselves to others (or the ‘curated’ life others project on social media). These traps are a perfect breeding ground for negative feelings.

As many as 15% of new mums experience Postnatal Depression. But can expectant parents do anything to increase their chances of avoiding it?

Just like preparing your home for your child, there are steps you can take to best equip yourself to meet the emotional demands as you start life with a new baby.

  • Stocktake your friends – cull the ones that you have to clean for hours to invite over, those that sprout stories about their ‘gifted’ children that do no wrong, or smiling assassins who enjoy dishing out snide judgements about your parenting choices. Surround yourself with people you can be honest with, convey realistic pictures of family life, and build your confidence. Mother’s groups can be lifesavers, and they can be poison. If you leave yours feeling worse than when you arrived, stop going.
  •  Have realistic standards – there will be days (weeks?) where the wheels fall off. Chaos will become the new order. The house will look like it’s been burgled, you’ll have nothing but toast for tea and you’ll realise you haven’t washed your hair since your kid started solids, and that’s okay. It happens to all mothers (even those picture-perfect ones with pristinely ironed clothes and babies that supposedly sleep through from three weeks). But if things seem usually extreme, speak out. As for help. You know what they say – fit your mask first before helping infants.
  • Maintain healthy choices – while this is easier said than done when sleep deprived and responsible for a human being twenty-four-seven, mood can be highly influenced by sugar highs and lows, and poor lifestyle. Pregnancy and breastfeeding place huge demands on the body, often leaving mothers feeling flat, and nutritionally depleted. A balanced diet and active lifestyle are always great steps to improve wellbeing – take time out to look after yourself, as your baby needs you at your best.
  • Don’t ignore feelings that concern you. They often multiply if left unchecked.

Becoming a mum represents a time of rapid change in your life cycle, both physically and mentally. It is normal to feel moody, weepy, tired or anxious during the first week after giving birth. However, in the months that follow, if you find yourself crying excessively, feeling a sadness you just can’t shake, having panic attacks or thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, these are signs of the more serious condition of Postnatal Depression (PND).

What Causes PND?

A complex interaction between biological, social and psychological factors contribute to each individual’s risk of developing PND. However, the exact cause of this disease is complex. What is clear is there is no shame in the diagnosis – having PND does not mean you are ‘weak’ or a ‘bad parent’ as PND, like most medical conditions, crops up indiscriminately.

So, can you do anything to avoid slipping into the darkness?

If you’ve suffered PND in the past, you are at higher risk of those negative feeling returning with subsequent pregnancies, however your experience also makes you well-equipped to know the signs.

The best way for you to reduce your chances of suffering from PND is to know the risk factors, and if you decide what your experiencing goes beyond the normal ebb and flow of life, speak to others.

Risk factors include:

  • Family history of postpartum depression
  • Personal history of any type of depression
  • Stressful events that occurred during pregnancy
  • Difficulty breastfeeding
  • Unwanted pregnancy or a difficult birth
  • Baby born with health problems
  • Relationship problems with significant other
  • Weak support system
  • Financial strain

Many of us approach motherhood with the odds stacked against us, but by no means is PND inevitable, even if you find yourself in several of these risk categories.

Despite doing everything right, depression is common – but temporary when treated.

If you do feel you are at risk of slipping into the black hole, and that your mood is impacting on your ability to lead a normal life, you are not alone. At least one in seven mums feel as you do, and many treatments are available; counselling, exercise, lifestyle changes and medication to name a few.

When caring for a child the days seem long, but the years are short. Take steps to make it possible to enjoy those early precious days with your child.

PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) for parents experiencing post and antenatal mental health issues open 10am-5pm (AET) Mon-Fri Ph: 1300 726 306

Beyond Blue 24hr helpline Ph: 1300 22 4636