What To Do When Your Child Disappoints
Written by Jana Angeles
As much as you love your children, there will be a time in your life where they won’t be as small anymore and will be making decisions – good or bad. Even if you classify yourself as a good parent, and know what’s best for them, you need to understand that communication is key, and there’s no point slapping them or verbally calling them names when they do something wrong.
It’s okay to feel disappointed in your child because at times, you’ll also feel like you’ve failed as a parent. At the end of the day, we all make mistakes. We just need to learn as parents how to better handle these mistakes our children make.
As quoted by Shannon L. Alder, “Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, “What else could this mean?” From this quote, parents should learn the concept of helping your child understand what’s right and wrong. When they have misbehaved or disappointed you in some way, as parents, we have the power to teach them the consequences of their actions and the privileges that could be taken away from them.
So what can we do as parents to help our children learn from their mistakes?
Hold Your Tongue
Parents can get desperate when their child consistently misbehaves. Things such as not listening, talking back and continuously doing things which make you angry can easily lead to desperate measures for yourself; calling them names or resorting to slapping them as punishment. Holding your tongue and not reacting harshly to your child’s wrongdoings is the best way to go. Despite the saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”, words do actually hurt. Imagine saying mean things to your child; how would that make them feel hearing a mean word from mum or dad? It’s heartbreaking to let your child believe that they’re hopeless or unworthy. Help them understand that they did the wrong thing but also let them know that humans make mistakes; we just need to learn from them.
Be their teacher
Parenting is a continuous journey and no matter how many children we have, we constantly learn new things about them and ourselves. How we act as people and how we approach situations is projected towards our children. And if you’re disappointed by your child’s behaviour, look around you. Are you communicating with them on a regular basis? Are you listening to them when they need to talk to you? Are they in a safe and protected environment? What we do as parents and what we provide to them on a daily basis is what impacts their behaviour. Look at the choices you make and how that influences your child. You ultimately have the power to be their teacher; to help them learn the important stuff and the way of life.
Remove their privileges
Does your child have a Playstation they treasure? Or maybe even the iPad you got them for Christmas? Take them away if they misbehave. Take anything they use for their enjoyment for about a week and use this opportunity to let them do some extra house work. This way they’ll understand the concept of making wrong choices and how their privileges can be taken away if they repeat any actions that make us unhappy. This way, they can learn that doing the wrong thing only makes life harder for them, encouraging them to make the right decisions.
Be consistent
Never cave in, even if your child wants you to give back something you’ve taken away from them. Stand strong and never feel like you can’t win this war. Always stick to the rules and don’t let your child bend them for you. If they have disappointed you by the choices they’ve made, they should understand that the rules you’ve implemented need to be followed. If not, they just need to deal with the consequences of their actions.
Provide Motivation
Obviously your child needs a push to the right direction if they have disappointed you, so motivating them is the only way to go from here. There are a lot of ways to motivate your child when they have done the wrong thing and this may be sitting them down and having a family discussion with them. Ask them open-ended questions and let them talk. Some questions you could ask are: How did that make you feel? How did it make us feel? What can you do next time? It’s crucial to provide your child with guidance and some motivation that will lead them to grow as respectful human beings. This shouldn’t feel like a chore, no matter how busy your life may be. Take some time out of your day and talk to your child and ask them the important questions.
Ryan Reynolds once said “When you have expectations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment” and there’s nothing more honest than that statement. As parents, we shouldn’t expect so much from our children; we have to understand that they’re still learning and growing. How we treat them creates a larger impact, more than you know. It’s important we understand our role as parents and to never get discouraged when our children disappoints us. All it takes is some time out of our day to hear them out and help them not make the same mistakes again.