WHY COUPLES FIGHT MORE AFTER HAVING A BABY
Written by Lucy Hall
Becoming a parent and welcoming a new life to your family, is in most cases a joyful and exciting experience. It’s a time that you and your partner can celebrate the future you are picturing for yourselves which begins with the arrival of the new family member that you have both created.
Many new parents find that they are completely unprepared for the shifts that will take place in their relationship which can often lead to an increase in tensions and conflicts, something they may not have experienced in the past once the baby arrives.
The answer is a complicated and complex combination of factors, which can include the physical and emotional changes that are part of parenthood, the adjustments to totally changed lives and the vulnerability that comes with such a big transition.
Sleep Deprivation Is The Silent Saboteur
A newborn’s sleep schedule can be rough and can disrupt even the most well organised parents’ routines. Many parents become exhausted and irritable as a result of a lack of sleep during those early days of parenthood. This period of tiredness with your newborn is actually very short, but it can feel like it will never end while you are going through it. It can also interfere with one’s ability to regulate emotions which makes it more difficult to be patient, understanding and responsive to each other’s needs, this can result in arguments over small issues.
The Division of Labor
The arrival of a baby can shine a light on the division of labor. While some couples adjust easily, others may find themselves struggling with conflicting expectations of each other. Who changes more nappies? Who takes the night shift? Who handles the household chores? These daily responsibilities can become the causes of conflict if assumptions and resentments are allowed to fester.
Shifting Roles and Identities
Mother’s not only go through the physical changes that occur after the birth of a baby, there will also be a range of emotional changes that come. A father on the other hand, may find it challenging accepting the new responsibilities that a baby brings as well as what’s his role these first few months of a newborn’s life resulting in additional stress on the relationship during this delicate transition.
Financial Stress
The costs that come with raising a child might have an effect on a couple’s ability to maintain financial situations, the responsibility of bills, childcare expenses as well as potential income changes can put a strain on the relationship.
The Lack of Me Time
Raising a child can be quite demanding and will consume both of your time and energy. A couple will often find that they have limited time to nurture their own relationship. The lack of personal time and intimacy can raise emotions such as loneliness, a sense of isolation and can lead to partners feeling disconnected from one another.
Hormonal Changes
The changes in hormones can greatly affect how new parents relate to each other after a baby’s arrival . A mother’s mood may be influenced by her estrogen levels, which can fluctuate widely. This can make her feel more sensitive and more likely to have intense emotional moments. A father is bound to be affected by the emotions his partner is feeling even though he does not go through the same hormonal changes as her.
The Importance of Communication and Support
Navigating these challenges involves having open and honest communication. It’s important that couples express their needs, worries, and frustrations to one another in a safe and respectful way. Finding support from loved ones, friends, or a professional counsellor can provide a safe space for you both to look into and understand the feelings that take place during this transitional phase.
Strategies for Strengthening the Relationship
Prioritise Me Time: Take the time in simple self care activities such as taking a warm bath or going for a brief stroll, can help in preventing the resentful feelings that can come from becoming a parent.
Schedule Couple Time: Make sure to set aside time each week for a date night, even if it’s just for a few hours to help renew your relationship and strengthen your intimacy, this is actually very important during this change of lifestyle your are both experiencing.
Communicate Openly and Honestly: Talking about your needs, your expectations and any frustrations you have without judgement or blame .
Divide Tasks Fairly: Coming up with a plan for establishing responsibilities that feel fairs will avoid conflict in the future.
Seek Professional Help: Don’t hesitate to reach out and get professional help you may need if you’re struggling to navigate these challenges.
Beyond the Challenges
The first year following a baby’s birth can be quite demanding as it’s a period of substantial transformation. New parents will have to navigate the complexities that are part of the parenthood journey. For most, this is a great opportunity to improve their communication skills, develop healthy coping strategies as well as strengthen the bond that connects them through a variety of shared challenges for the year ahead.
The experience of becoming parents is frequently a turning point for couples to assess and strengthen their union. By acknowledging the hurdles they face and actively striving to overcome them they are likely to come out of this challenging phase with a better awareness of each other’s needs and a deeper sense of affection for each other.